We received an unexpected deluge of like three comments over the Watchando item on Jordin Sparks’ speech at the VMAs. You sluts and prudes really feel strongly about purity rings and Z-List celebrities! So we thought it’d be nice to open up a little discussion as to why we wrote what we did and why you all feel the way you do. Plus, it’s a nice opportunity to let you know that we (Or, well, I. Alex.) will be covering the sex and relationships beat on Guanabee. And, oh, beat we will, Guanababies. Beat we will. So let’s get started.

We think our use of the word “asshole,” led to our thoughts being misinterpreted. As “Gotit” so succinctly and fucking sarcastically put it:

Host of VMAs ridiculing Jonas Brothers (or whatever the hell their names are) for their sexual choices = totally cool, right on

Friend of Jonas Brothers sticking up for their sexual choices = total prude and a bitch who should shut up

VMA host using demeaning, belittling language about their sexual choices = totally cool, right on

Friend of Jonas brothers using demeaning, belittling language about others sexual choices = total prude and a bitch who should shut up

Sounds like Guanabee lays it our pretty well. Got it.

Actually, you didn’t get it at all. But it’s ok! We’re here to guide you through the murky waters that is understanding sex and pop culture. First off, we don’t personally refer to women as bitches. Ever. Nor do we advocate that Jordin Sparks shut up. Nor did we call her a prude. We did say that people who are self-righteous and judgmental are assholes. So, now that that’s clear, let’s figure out why we’re taking Jordin Sparks to task for her comments.

It’s not the Jonas Brothers’ job to teach teens about sex or abstinence. They’re so young themselves and so lacking in life experiences that they’re not good advocates for anything except never, ever listening to Top 40 radio. Their job is to make entertaining music. It behooves the Co-Jonases to present an image of being wholesome, good boys because they make money for Disney and Disney caters to families and children. But it’s a slippery slope when the public congratulates a celebrity for being a role model, because chances are a celebrity will eventually do or say something you do not want your child emulating. Exhibit A: Britney Spears. Stars aren’t here to teach your children. You are. They’re here to sell concert tickets and issues of Tiger Beat.

Onto purity rings!

Purity rings. Are harmful. “Whoa,” you begin to type furiously, “That’s a judgment call, you asshole slut!” But, please. Let us explain.

The idea of a purity ring is damaging because the concept of purity is harmful. The opposite of abstinence is participation in sex. The opposite of pure is tarnished, dirty, used. So, people who have sex = dirty, used, imperfect. That’s a terrible image of sex to sell to impressionable young people who are forming their own ideas and expectations for what sex and relationships are like. Couple this with Jordin Sparks’ brilliant assertion that people who don’t wear purity rings = raging nympho sluts and you’ve got a recipe for a generation that will be totally fucked up when it comes to sex.

Sex is neutral. It isn’t inherently bad or good or pleasurable or painful until people start bringing their own baggage and ideas and rhinestone merkins into the mix. To give people the impression that sex is dirty and that those who elect not to remain abstinent until marriage are somehow impure or slutty is an asshole move. Jordin Sparks wasn’t “sticking up for a sexual choice.” She was imposing her limited, narrow-minded, judgmental views on sex and participating in a dangerous little game designed to make sex shameful. And, as a public figure that probably figures into the choices of impressionable young people with poor taste in music, she should be called out on it. There’s a difference between berating Jordin for her beliefs and pointing out that her way of expressing those beliefs is damaging and judgmental. “Burro Hablando De Orejas” provides an example of someone who cannot tell the difference:

good job guanabee, pat on the back for demeaning the values of others and calling them self righteous judgmental assholes. not everybody thinks the way you do.

Thanks! Look: Referring to someone as a self-righteous, judgmental asshole because they’ve readily and thoughtlessly insulted people and espouse harmful views isn’t demeaning their values. We think it’s great that Jordin has come up with a world view she’s comfortable with and we’re well aware not everyone thinks as we do. Our views on abstinence are complicated. We think there are many positives to waiting until marriage to have sex. But we definitely, unequivocally think Jordin Spark’s speech was awful. Her being self-righteous and judgmental has nothing to do with her choice to be astinent. But it has everything to do with her use of the word “slut.” There are so many ways she could have defended abstinence without resorting to name-calling and shaming. It is totally possible to advocate waiting until marriage without adding the concept of purity or a sense of righteous moralizing.

And, yes. Putting people down for their beliefs = Something an asshole does.

That’s the way we see it, anyway. What about you pack of filthy whores?