Staycation Guide: Hurricane Edition!

It’s hurricane time, baby! We’re going to try and make that the new catchphrase for September. Continuing the theme of desperately attempting to make awful, dangerous weather exciting, let’s consider our travel options.

We’ll need to stay away from airports since every flight and its mother have been delayed, and driving is a hassle what with all the floating debris and ugly people. That leaves, duh nuh nuh… STAYING AT HOME!

So we’ve prepared a brief guide for how to entertain yourself, even in the eye of the storm. Here’s our thoughts on what to do in five of the target cities:

Miami.

South Beach is Miami’s hot spot and nothing’s gonna change that, not even enormous waves and flying palm fronds. So we suggest donning a sexy clear raincoat (over a bathing suit, please) and strutting your junk on the beach.

Baton Rouge.

Mark Twain once called the old state capitol “the ugliest thing on the Mississippi.” Well here’s your chance to egg the shit out of it! Sorry officer, I was holding these five crates of eggs for the enormous omelette I planned to make and all of a sudden those babies just went flying! Oh, that fickle hurricane wind. What will it egg next?

New York.

Duh, reenact the final scene from Breakfast at Tiffany’s! Put on that rain slicker from Miami, steal a friend’s cat and bring your boyfriend to an alley. If that’s not a recipe for -arrest for indecent exposure- a romantic time, we don’t know what is!

Charleston.

If it can be said that the English brought “sophistication” to the local culture, then perhaps it can also be said that African-Americans brought “spice.”

So says one Charleston tourism site. Just like the Mexicans brought “tacos” and “color” to America. So if you’re holed up in Charleston, how about a rousing round of Kumbaya, or some group hugs? Nothing like a natural disaster to bring out the best and worst in humanity - let’s try and make it the best.

Havana.

The Latin Las Vegas won’t be shut down by a little water! For God’s sake it’s an ISLAND! That’s why we suggest getting properly soused on mojitos, then playing strip poker. Preferably after you’ve boarded up your windows.

[Discovercharleston.com]

Earlier: ["Staycations" On Your Lawn Chair In A Bata De Casa Sound Cheap, Unfun]