Al Carlos’ “Top Ten Signs You Married A Chola”
13 October 2008, 4:25 PM. By Daniel Mauser
Latinoid writer Al Carlos made us giggle so hard we dropped our eyebrow Sharpie with this list, so we thought we’d share it with you. Although we’re going to stand by the fact that cholas don’t marry. They grow from chola to some vato’s vieja to a literal viejita in chanclas and rollers within, like, 15 years. Such is the life span of a chola. Anyguey. Here are the “Top Ten Signs You Married a Chola:”
10. She has different eyebrows for different occasions.
We’re wearing our “concerned, slightly repulsed, and perhaps a bit amused” eyebrows today.
9. She slapped someone else’s kid at the mall for talking smack.
Back up or you’ll lose an acrylic in your face, Mackenzie.
8. She can outrun your Harley in Chanclas, if you forget to give her your paycheck.
7. When you play fight, she squares up and punches you like a Dude, and swears she can drop De La Hoya.
If both are in matching fishnet bodysuits.
6. She has 22’s rims on her Civic, with 2 15’s speakers in the trunk.
5. You cry easier than she does, then she calls you a punk.
4. Irrespective of the facts, you are a “Big Fat Lieeerrrr”.
Irregardless, too, pues.
3. She covers the green cross tattoo on her hand with makeup when she goes to work.
2. She can do a ten minute Queer makeover with a sharpie pen and a can of Aqua Net.
1. You looked into her eyes and said, I Do, she rolled her eyes and said, “Pues, Simon Wey”.
That one will need to be explained to us. Do cholas say “Simon” for “si?” Because chongas say “Naw, bro,” and shank you. WIth their eyes.
So, tell us: Are there any other signs you’d add?
Top Ten Signs You Married a Chola [Latino LA]
(13) 
Post Your Comment
Did you know you can now share a link, image or video?
Click to submit your own notas.
Is the bottom photo a pic of all the ladies of Guanabee?
Yes. Happy Cholidays, from Guanabee to You.
This is not for the latino in you this is more for the mexican. God I can’t understand half of this shit and i’m hispanic.
wow i thought that first picture was a friend of mine.
@ la roncha: ditto
another clue that you married a chola…
her brother’s names are Little Puppet, Angel, Crybaby, Little Shorty, Smiley….
#11 You’re Gavin Rossdale.
Say what you want about Gwen Stefani, but back in the day homegirl was rocking the Dickies pants, wife beater tank top and sad girl pout. She was the o.g. Anaheim gangsta.
I wish she would bring back another chola phase for her next album.
I can see this as the future of so many girls in my high school…
I saw some hard-hittin’ cholas at the mall one day. Before that, they were only a myth to me, and I live in AZ. Even some other Latina girls had to stare…not too hard, tho…
Please tell me that the last picture is not from this decade.
#12
All their male children are shaved bald.
lOOKiN fiRME…& fUCK UR HA8ERS
cholas take of some of that make^