What’s the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Pitbulls use condoms. High five! A line of “doggy condoms” aim to cut down on the population of stray dogs taking a dump on your lawn. The ite for this product very helpfully answers all the pertinent questions you have on the topic of canine contraception:

What Sizes and Scents Do They Come In?

Dog condoms come in three sizes to fit small, medium, and large breeds. Almost every dog will find a comfortable, well-proportioned condom to meet their needs. The condoms also come in lubricated and meat scented varieties to enhance pleasure for both dog partners.

Yes, but what flavors do they come in? Why are you looking at us like that?

Can I Train My Dog To Put It On Himself?

No, the dog will require human intervention each time he wishes to put on or take off a condom.

RED ROCKET!

What About Female Condoms for Bitches?

We recognize that birth control is the responsibility of both partners, and we are currently working on a prototype of a condom for female dogs. However, we don’t expect it to reach the market until 2007.

Fun! Except the dog condoms are being recalled:

Dog Condoms, Inc. is announcing a voluntary recall of its Dog Condoms® canine prophylactics, due to an unacceptable failure rate reported during preliminary release in test markets. Use of these recalled condoms may result in unwanted canine pregnancies. Additionally, meat-scented Dog Condoms® may present a choking hazard, especially for smaller dogs.

Work on your gag reflex, Fifi. This product is ridiculous. If your dog is a stud, you’re going to want him to breed for the purpose of making bebehs. And, if not, you can go and get your dog neutered. Or buy your pup a doggy dildo (Yes, they exist).

[Dog Condoms]