Guanabee’s Official VP Debate Drinking Game! Palin Bingo!

It’s here, guys! Tonight’s the night that Sarah Palin is going to talk Joe Biden into a state of delirium for the whole world to watch while drunk and angry. So we’ve devised a little drinking game in order to make your rampant case of alcoholism look like a fun social activity. Get yourself a can of Pabst — the official drink of Joe Six-Pack American and his dog, Methface — and a bottle of tequila. The official drink of people who steal your jobs and shit on your stoop. (Or, at least, that’s what we’re doing tonight!)

Here we go:

• Take one gulp of beer every time Sarah Palin scoffs at an idea perpetuated by the liberal media elite.
• Take two gulps each time she mentions Alaska.
• Take two gulps each time she mentions Putin, then try and read “all of” the newspapers and magazines from which you garner info on current events.
• Take three gulps should she mention Hillary Clinton or feminism with a smirk.
• Take three gulps if the mentions any of the following words: Pitbull. Lipstick. Pig. Morning after pill. Abortion. Cock.
• Take a shot if she mentions hunting, moose, caribou, jerky, snow or the cognitive capacity of a fifth grader. Who is developmentally disabled. And blind.
• Take a shot of tequila if she mentions she’s a parent.
• Take two shots of tequila if she mentions she’s a parent to a pregnant teen.
• Take a shot at each utterance of the word “maverick.”
• Take a shot of tequila if she makes a joke about John McCain’s age.
• Take three shots of tequila is she makes a joke about Cindy McCain’s age.
• Stomp a kitten if she crinkles her nose adorably while shrugging at a question.

Have fun, America! You can also print out and play with these Sarah Palin bingo cards. We can’t wait until she mentions glass ceiling-shattering Gods who share a maritime border with Barack Osama!

[Sarah Palin Bingo]