Guy Richie and Madonna are planning to divorce, saying they “can’t bear to live with the pretence any longer.” So “Pretence” was Guy’s pet name for Madonna? That’s adorable. The couple, who have been married for 8 years and have an 8-year-old son, Rocco, together, as well as 12-year-old Lourdes, Madonna’s daughter from a previous, more Cuban relationship, and adopted son David Banda, age 2, whom they (or at least Madonna) adopted from Malawi amidst much controversy.

Gwyneth Paltrow, who is in Madonna’s “smug fake accent” club (as treasurer), evidently tried to keep the couple together. Says a source:

‘Gwyneth begged Madonna all summer not to be an idiot and let this marriage fall apart.’

Why? Because she’s afraid of how it would affect little David Banda. Right. Anyone who names a child “Apple” does not care about children.

Their relationship has recently become interesting for the first time probably ever amidst news that Madonna and baseball player Alex Rodriguez were each cheating on their spouse with one another, getting together at Madonna’s New York apartment. Alex’s wife, you might recall, recently divorced his allegedly trifling ass. Says a source (David Banda):

“Despite huge attempts to patch things up they both knew deep down that divorce was on the cards. It wasn’t a matter of ‘if’ but ‘when’.”

The couple has also, apparently, not spoken face-to-face in three weeks. That sounds pretty ideal.

Madonna and Guy Ritchie ‘about to confirm divorce’ [Times Online]
EXCLUSIVE: Gwyneth Paltrow spent months begging Madonna to try and save her marriage [Daily Mail]