MadonnaGuyGate ‘08: In Which Guy Describes Sex With Madonna & Madonna Wants Alex Rodriguez’s Sperm

Rich, famous people? Are insane. It just kind of happens: One day, you’re idly swimming around in your pile of money and the next thing you know, you’re doing things like laminating endangered apes and dating men with neck tattoos. Madonna is no exception. As her divorce proceedings with Guy Ritchie continue, new information about the entertainer’s quirks leak.

When it comes to food, Madonna tended to stick to a strict macrobiotic diet and insisted Guy follow suit, making him use rice milk in his tea and demanding a special blend of Colombian coffee and blueberries imported from Canada. She also banned sugar, dairy, salt and preservatives in her children’s diets, which prompted Guy to have to negotiate with her to allow their son, Rocco, to have a birthday cake. The clown strippers were fine, though. Until Rocco, crying, begged his mom to please stop dancing.

Additionally, Madonna refused to consume any food at restaurants, saying she didn’t “trust” their kitchens. Other things Madonna did not allow in the Ritchie-Ciccone household were TV, newspapers… or Guy’s friends.

Madonna was equally obsessed with working out, even going so far as hitting the gym Christmas, New Year’s, her birthday and the very day she brought adopted son David Banda home for the first time. Thanks to her strict diet and exercise regime, Madonna is said to be about 20 pounds lighter than when she had her first hit two decades ago - a fact which has caused lanugo to grow on her limbs and face. Her 4-hour-a-day fitness routine also cut into her family time. She and Guy had reportedly not had sex for a period of 18 months and, when they finally did, Ritchie described the hot, passionate event as:

“…cuddling up to a piece of gristle.”

The singer also, apparently, had harbored resentment over the fact that not even strict adherence to fitness or Kabbalah helped her become pregnant for a third time - driving home the fact that, being ten years older than Guy, she is past what is considered a healthy age for bearing children. Although, apparently, that isn’t stopping her from trying to naturally conceive a child with Alex Rodriguez.

Alex has bid on a New York apartment two blocks from Madonna’s and is prepared to make other sacrifices for her:

Rodriguez has pledged to back the singer’s passion to spread the Kabbalah philosophy around the world.

He has made promises to her to write a range of sports-themed books to bring the message of Kabbalah to young boys. Madonna has already brought out a similar range of books for girls.

Rodriguez is planning to join her on a ’spiritual’ trip to Malawi after her current world tour ends.

She’s also evidently planning to introduce her three kids — Lourdes, Rocco and David Banda — to Alex Rodriguez in the coming weeks. Ah, love. Tastes just like gristle.

The mad world of Madonna: Grains for every meal, rice milk, no TV and sleeping in a plastic suit covered in £500 cream [Daily Mail]
Making love to Madonna ‘was like cuddling a piece of gristle’ [Daily Mail]
A-Rod set to buy £40m New York pad next door to Madonna as relationship heats up [Daily Mail]

Earlier: MadonnaGuyGate ‘08: Madonna Calls Guy “Emotionally Retarded,” Believes She Is The Messiah