Mystical Bible Codes Tell Us “Da Troof” About Barack Obama, John McCain

Has anyone else noticed that this presidential race has been totally lacking in mystic Bible references? We know, right? Huge oversight. Well luckily the Isaac Newton Bible Code Research Society is on top of it, and has released their findings on what the Bible has to say (via secret code) about the candidates. The Bible even deigns to comment on Hillary Clinton, although sadly the Bible has nothing to say so far about Sarah Palin - or maybe the researchers are just behind on their work? Snap to it, guys, the world needs this information!
Here’s a sample of what the Society has produced:

They will deceive in his river,

and the name H. Clinton is

within me for us, for them.

Chills. Up and down our spine. What about Obama and McCain? Hint: It involves a halo and a fishing rod.

The Society explains their finding on “H. Clinton”:

The presence of the word river in this code could be seen as a likely reference to a political context, given that the word “mainstream” is a similar word often used to refer to a portion of the political or social spectrum.

More pressing is what the Bible has to say about the current presidential hopefuls:

On Obama:

Where has the son strayed? He has the wine from the mother.
He will thank me, will carry father Obama so much obliged.

And:

And the being of B. Obama – the Lord is backing them,
raise in me the eye of the living, the friend of his fishing rod.

On McCain:

The opening of my God’s duty,
the hot shame of Bush,
is tall and high within me.
The line and heart of J. McCain has dimmed.

It’s kind of awesome to just take these as if they were someone’s attempt at haiku, but the researchers actually do have a method: “Equidistant Letter Sequence.” This basically amounts to taking a section of the bible, picking a number, and then circling a lot of letters that are that number apart from each other. It gets more sophisticated than that, but still, we are circling letters here, not cracking some sophisticated Nazi code. Nevertheless, the researchers seem to take themselves very seriously, even making thoughtful tables to help us interpret their findings, like the one they made for their McCain findings;

Let’s make our own election haiku! Pick a Guanabee article, copy/paste 20 random letters and see if you can spell anything that means anything. Or just, you know, find a better use for your crazy.

Read more of what randomly circled letters have to say about the candidates:
Startling Election Codes Continue to Surface [Bible Code]