This autumn, forget about uncomfortable trends like elevator shoes, tight pencil skirts, forhead-yanking updo’s, or vomiting after meals. Be comfortable. Be functional. Wear a fucking oven mitt.

This parka…. ish-looking thing… by Pierre Cardin is perfect for Autumn. It’s warm, especially if you’re missing one or both arms. And it’s blue to perfectly match the shade your arms — for those of you in possession of one or both — will turn from wearing this out in the cold. And it makes you look like a giant, walking oven mitt, which is perfect for those among us who do not like being approached by men in bars or on the subway.

Also? It makes a pretty fabulous Halloween costume, should you, like that Megan Fox doppelgänger up there, decide to go as something extra special this year:

Plus:

You’re very welcome.

Who’s your designer, babe? Eddie Bauer? [Reuters]