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Wait! Stop! Put down that funnel and shut the refrigerator door. Don't you realize there are more inventive, refined ways to consume massive quantities of ejaculate? In Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes, author Fotie Photenhauer takes you on a culinary journey using an everyday ingredient, semen, as a delicious and unexpected addition to various food items. That's right! Semen isn't just for fast food anymore!
Plus your hair and skin will look beautiful. Or so claims our local semen retailer.
We've compiled a list of some of our favorite dishes to share with you this holiday season. An array of exotic delicacies awaits you after the jump:
Strawberry Splasharita
You mean margaritas don't usually contain streaks of cum?
Ingredients:
Perfect for holiday potlucks. Merry Christmas, grandma! Additionally, if you're anything like us, "toss the pecans gently in the melted butter" will become your new go-to euphemism.
Ingredients:
Nom Nom: Semen Recipes
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1 cup frozen sliced strawberries
1/2 cup good quality tequila
1/4 cup triple sec
1 tablespoon fresh semen
2 cups crushed iceDirections:
Combine all ingredients except semen in a blender and blend until smooth. Pour into a sugar-rimmed [Ed. note: We don't want to know.] glass.
Float the semen over the drink. It will coagulate as it cools and adds a special finishing touch to this popular drink.Spunky Candied Pecans
1/2 cup sugar
3 cups pecans or other savory nuts
3 tablespoons melted butter
1-2 tablespoons fresh semenDirections:
Toss the pecans gently in the melted butter on large baking sheet and bake at 350 degrees several minutes until the nuts are lightly browned. Combine the sugar and semen and perhaps a little more butter in a small bowl before stirring into the pecans. Bake another 5-8 minutes until the sugar hardens.This almost makes us for that time we missed "Iron Chef: Battle Cockwater." Whether consuming a friend's semen or your own, remember to test for freshness, consistency and a subtle, salty-sweet flavor. Pair with a crisp Pinot Grigio and fresh, seasonal berries and you, friend, are in for a special treat this holiday season. Natural Harvest - A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes [Lulu]
What do you think?
- LOL
- CHISPAS
- AY DIOS MIO
- QUE CUTE
- NERDO
- NACO
- CURSI
- QUE COOL
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Comments
What if a girl is drinking a margarita with semen in it and.... she spills it in her lap? Then while trying to wipe it some kinda.... gets in there.... and BAM nine months later she has a Salty Mexican Strawberry baby? Who pays the child support? The bar tender or the margarita?
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ReplyI would also like to mention that if you want your recipe to go "by the book" you also need professional help as a commercial soft serve machine. So you can be sure your guests will enjoy your special recipes, just like the restaurant.
Reply:O i can combine my two favorite things to do: cum and cook :) seriously though, some will say its gross, but i do drink my own brand...tastes good and aparently is good for you :P ill defiantly be trying some of these recipes, especially the margarita one!
ReplyActually, there is quite a variation in semen quality and flavor. I wonder how it might be graded, should the FDA begin an inspection program?
ReplyJust... No
ReplySemen-pomegranite juice... Yum? Oh, my bad, it only tastes good with wipt cream...
ReplyRE: Caloric value. About 70 - 90 calories per teaspoon. Mostly protein with some sugars and complex carbohydrates
Replyi just love the pump semen into my girls mouth. its so hot. when i explode and jizz everywhere. oh yes it turns me on. i must order this book so i have an even bigger exucse to jizz all over her face. oh my god this makes me so horny. ah yes i like it. i wanna go jizz now. mmhmmmmmmmmmmmm
ReplyPeople are funny, they accept pus in their cow's milk, rat hairs in their canned soups, all manner of bacteria from bars (hello lemons sitting out!), but when you mention consuming fresh male ejaculate they get all squeamish? Blah. Cleopatra used to wash her skin in fresh sperm and she was considered the most beautiful woman of her time. Many, many starlets get literal "facials" to keep their skin flawless. In Asia one of the fastest growing business' is having "fresh from the source" male sperm applied to teenager's faces and consumed regularly to help with eczema, acne, etc. Ever seen a porn star with pimples? Fresh, human, male sperm is the most amazing, cleanest, "perfect" fluid the human body can produce and is anything BUT disgusting, the only disgusting thing is how society has made us believe artificial supplements are desirable over natural ones.
ReplyCum on guys, well cum on girls, how can you say that and yet you want the guys to performs cunninglus, and then the guys are constantly swallowing, drinking and tasting our bodily fluids and lubrications. But the real test and joke to all of this is, how many guys wants us to perform fellatio and then they want to cum in our mouth and want us to swallow their semen but they hesitate to kiss you afterwards. Well what is up with that? How interesting, men wonOt taste their own semen but yet they want us to take the semen in our mouth and swallow it. I have a policy, If you donOt eat, then I donOt eat, If you donOt want to taste your own semen then I will not, after all I taste my own female ejaculate. So as far as a recipe book for it, I have never looked at it like that, but after all I like it warm right from the source itself, across my tongue or over my chest. But now, when I think about it I have never looked at it as storing it up to use in a recipe, after all it is only a few milliliters per shot or ejaculate and remember like all proteins it denatures with temperature too cold or too hot, its just like egg albumin, the transparent liquid-like part of eggs. So if you drink eggnog or we all have drink breast milk at one point in our lives from our mothers. But indulge me for a minute, semen is a very nutritious source of protein and low in calorie so I guess Fotie, realized it, (the HARD way O just a little play on words = pun). Now for those health conscience minded semen is primarily water, but contains trace amounts of almost every nutrient the body uses and has higher amounts of commonly deficient mineral such as K+, Mg2+ and Se ( good for fighting breast cancer). Furthermore , 1 shot has: 150 mg of protein 11 mg of carbohydrates 6 mg of fat 3 mg of cholesterol 7% US RDA Potassium (K+) & 3% US RDA Copper (Cu2+/Cu3+) & Zinc (Zn2+). Therefore the Food Energy of 1 Shot = 0.7 kcal Yum Yum !!!!! Great taste and less filling? Jejejejejejejee (laughing at the irony). I better stop here, before I start talking about the Spartan soldiers and the New Guinea; Melanesian tribe rituals where the young men drink of the older men milk O semen; to initiate a passing from adolescence to manhood, now wouldnOt that be better in a smoothie - Jejejejejejejee (laughing with the pun). Now; Fotie Photenhauer has the right idea in culinary art in the use of semen, I think I need some new ideas to keep my man tired so if anyone has any more recipes please let me know; see my profile; guys! So to the girls and everyone else who think about this book, remember the old saying an apple a day keeps the doctor away, well there is an old Latin cliche that performing fellatio and drinking the semen 3 or more times a week reduces the risk of breast cancer, but it is a well known fact that semen has cancer prevention properties particularly breast cancer, show me a woman that has breast cancer and I will bet you that 9 out of 10 she does not drink her mans or any other manOs semen. Its an acquired taste, much like eating CAVIAR ( black fish eggs ). Let me also draw a serious point that we see around us day in and day out however because we donOt know about peopleOs personal life it is sometimes hard to notice. But lets look at some women who are extremely OcrabbyO and haven not had any sex in a little while, which can vary; some women can last without it for a week or two, while others can go on for months with out it but personal I have a shorter turn around cycle my need is about 2 or 3 days and thank that my libido has decreased because it use to be much more frequent than it is now. But this draws on my point about drinking semen and the book by Fotie on semen recipes especially the shakes because semen acts as an antidepressant in women so LADIES THAT DRINK SEMEN ARE LESS LIKELY TO SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION. Furthermore, studies have demonstrated that swallowing semen helps make a womans pregnancy safer and more successful because of the antigens in semen, which help keep blood pressure low and thereby reduce the risk of preeclampsia, and besides semen contains proteins with potent bactericidal activity. And for the Christian, holier than holy perspective need to read the bible because in Pslams 110:3 and in The Songs of Solomon 5:2; they talk about ODEWO; well ladies of the bible, its significaciones as the rain that fertilized the earth is a type of METAPHOR FOR OSEMENO. Yeah I bet you girls only use the bible when it suits you, well I am on the side of the guys with this one. Besides; OMILK DOES THE BODY GOOD.O
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