Oy: Baby Foreskin Is The New Botox
17 November 2008, 5:30 PM. By Daniel Mauser
Speaking of a dystopian future founded on mass addiction to surgery, a new procedure promises to give you smooth, beautiful skin by injecting you with cells collected from the foreskins of babies. You too can finally be gorgeous, dickface:
This treatment, called Vavelta, has been developed by the British biomedical company Intercytex. What is radical about it is that it seems to rejuvenate and restructure ageing and damaged skin from the inside by repopulating the lower layers of the skin with millions of healthy young skin cells.
Oh, unfortunate. That name sounds too much like another gooey, delicious substance often spread across our cheeks and chin: Velveeta.
Unlike fillers and Botox, it is claimed to be permanent.
Vavelta is a clear liquid in which tiny skin cells, called fibroblasts, are suspended. These are derived from baby foreskins donated by mothers at a hospital in the U.S. after routine circumcision.
The mothers and babies are screened before the foreskins, which would otherwise be discarded, are used.
Or collected to make a jaunty cape?
…Sorry, babe.
Vavelta is still being tested but, so far, doctors and patients have reportedly been delighted at the results. The treatment is more expensive than Botox but, as mentioned, does not have to be reinjected every few months or so. Doctors are also thrilled that the cells don’t ever seem to be rejected, which, you know, would be unfortunate.
Would you inject baby peepee bits into your face for a smoother complexion?
Would you undergo anti-ageing treatment using cells from circumcised newborn babies?
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Um, is there anyway to get an audio tape of the meeting where this idea was introduced? “Anyone have some new research they’d like to share with the rest of us?” “Yeah, I’ve been working on a procedure where you inject baby penis cells into the face to achieve smoother skin.” Long pause…”Get the hell out of here!”
I’ve inserted peepee bits in my face for less than the promise of a smooth complexion. I wouldn’t be opposed to this.
HA!
@Fredo: you’re so dirty. That’s why you’re on my top friends.
I heard an old wives tale that baby pee cured stuff so it doesn’t surprise me that this is real.
People with foreskins WATCH OUT—you hold the secret to eternal youth and it won’t be long before the pharmaceutical companies are snipping away at your little piece of gold!
Will it cause me to get smegma instead of just plain old acne?