PETA’s “Cooking Mama: Mama Kills Animals” Leaves Taste Worse Than Tofurky

God, PETA. Full of fail. You exploit the status of women as objects in this society, you totally misunderstand the plight of immigrants attempting to forge a new life in the U.S, and you try to make us feel bad about eating our mid-afternoon bacon nougat bar. But! Redemption! At least you lot were able to get video games right.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals had created a parody version of popular (?) cooking game “Cooking Mama” they’ve called “Cooking Mama: Mama Kills Animals” in which a little, surly chef goads you into plucking feathers from and tearing the offal out of a Thanksgiving turkey. And it is awesome. Not to mention terrifically educational. For example, did you know that plucking feathers from a dead turkey makes it bleed approximately 587 gallons of blood? Or that their little faces take on a sad look when you gleefully tear the intestines from their lifeless bodies? Such are the things you will learn whilst playing this game.

Once you’ve completed the game (which consists entirely of two levels), you are treated to “What Mama Didn’t Tell You” - fun turkey-day tidbits like the fact that some turkeys have their throats slit whilst conscious or that some are scalded in hot water en route to your dinner table.

Which is cute, but… Hm. Is the point of this game to advocate for more humane treatment of poultry? Or is it an attempt to try and gross us out and put us off meat entirely by alerting us to the fact that, at one point, turkeys contained kidneys? We’re all for cleaner and more humane facilities for livestock and poultry. But we’re also all for allowing people to eat the foods they enjoy without attempting to associate that with guilt or judgment calls. Thing is, we know the meat we consume was once a living creature. It’s not a secret. On the rare occasions that we do consume meat, we’re not put off by the idea that the sausage link we’re eating was once an adorable piglet.

So, do please go ahead and educate us as to how we can promote cruelty free conditions for the food that we eat. But don’t try to tells us the food we choose to eat is “gross.” It puts us off your message entirely and, frankly, coupled with PETA’s rampant sexism and all-around rudeness, simply leaves us eating turkey with so much more (cranberry) relish.

Cooking Mama [Unauthorized PETA Version]