Christian group “Focus on the Family” has come up with a list of retail stores that are either “Christmas-friendly” (stores that use Christmas-specific messages in ads and decorations), “Christmas-negligent” (stores that use both “Christmas” and “holiday”-centric greetings) or “Christmas-offensive” (stores that staple tiny silver menorahs to your face).

American Eagle, Banana Republic, Bloomingdale’s, Lane Bryant and Old Navy are among the “Christmas-negl…

Wait. Lane Bryant? Oh… Oh God. Do we really have to stop shopping at Lane Bryant now? Do we have to choose between our Lord and Savior and roomie velvet tunics??? Please, Smug Self-righteous Christians Who Hypocritically Worship At The Altar Of Consumerism This Holiday Jesus Day Season! Adorn yourselves in clothing matching as closely as possible to your hair and skin and tell us what to do:

Whew. We certainly feel as if we are brimming over with Christ’s love now that we know what to do when we go out and celebrate His birthday! By buying material goods that will later be re-gifted! There’s really nothing we want more this Christmas than unsolicited advice by people who are under the impression that the secular must revolve around and cater to their religious beliefs.

Happy holidays, Tossers.

Focus on the Family is coming to town [Salon]