A school in Newman, California, has managed to grab attention for itself by banning the book Bless Me, Ultima, which appeared on First Lady Laura Bush’s list of ten books every young person should read. (And Guanabee editor Cindy Casares’ summer reading list!) The book is ostensibly bad for teenagers because it has “profane language, depictions of sexuality and pagan content.” The book is written by Rudolfo Anaya and is about a maturing boy who wants to understand the world, God, and Roman Catholicism. Oh yeah, the book is also considered anti-Catholic.

We were in high school once too, you know. We have vivid memories of this born-again, former-slut Christian girl who refused to read I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou because she claimed Angelou liked being raped. Total racist. She works for our Mom now. Anyway, in honor of avoiding confrontation, we’ve compiled a list of books for all ages that won’t upset anyone (and by “anyone” we mean “monotheists”). Our recommendations, after the jump:

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott - We’ll keep with the tradition of relegating this to children’s literature, despite its length and its emotional depth. The book could be simplified into a tale about white, New England sisters and their merry tribulations growing up, but we feel that’s selling the book short. Like Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, which we will not bother listing as possibly being understood properly by anyone under the age of 20, the movie versions often leave out whole story lines and make it difficult to appreciate the complexity of the original narrative. Or we’re just white deep inside and love our Marmee.

The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank - We’re sure an apt born-again Christian could probably find reasons for wanting to ban this book (that one mention of wanting to touch a friend’s boob or the barely containable hatred for one’s mother) but we find this book intriguing for its view into Jewish life during World War II and for its view of a teenage girl’s life during a very difficult era. The book contains references to the inquisitive side of puberty, the clashes with adults, and the unabashed hatred of one’s social class (things we’re sure you’ll relate to). It’s also surprisingly philosophical, considering our teenage diaries are filled with rants about how all our friends are gay and in love with us. We’ve grown up since then.

Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll - We’re leaving out Through the Looking-Glass because we haven’t finished it. And because we’re fairly positive most people only read the first installment anyway. Aside from the mentions of cakes that make you grow larger or fall short in tears, the book is great because it appeals to all ages. As a child, you might like it because it’s ridiculous and funny. As an adult you might like it because when you’re bored at work or of life, you might wish you too could sink into a wonderland delirium. (That’s where the glass of tequila comes in. And big glass, not shot glass)

Lives of the Saints, volume one by The Catholic Book Publishing Company - We’re not including volume two because it’s basically a list of secondary saints who don’t actually have Church sanctioned feast days. The true glamor and appeal of volume one isn’t the inspiring biographies of famous saints listed by feast day through the entire calendar year. No, that’s just good format. The true glamor and appeal is the whitewashed histories provided. At any age, anyone reading this book will realize that, with a little charity and a commitment to celibacy, they too can one day be a saint with a biography like “The life of this Saint is shrouded in obscurity; all that we know about her is found in the Acts of her martyrdom which are considered rather unreliable in their details” (St. Regina, Feast Day September 7). It gives people something to aspire to.

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger - For all you know we were paid to include this book. Despite being the subject of banning attempts itself, this book has somehow persevered and made itself a veritable American classic. We like it. It’s not bad. For the female equivalent, many people have suggested The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. We like that one too. It’s okay. However, if you are competently literate and like morally vague, relatively youthful rambling narratives, then we’d really recommend Notes from Underground by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. It’s not for all ages, but it’s funny, somehow has the power to make you feel embarrassed, and makes you wish you had easier access to a prostitute so you could lecture her (really, lecture, nothing else).

School bans book on Laura Bush’s list of 10 best for all ages [Mercury News]