As we mentioned earlier, we like America Day or whatever because it allows us to give the impression that we’re drinking in either celebration or commiseration and not because we have a terrible disease. As such, we’d like to share a few drink recipes we’ve compiled that we think would make a good fit for an election-themed Bacchanal.

Serve with red, white and blue corn tortilla chips, as well as cute mini cupcakes decorated like American flags, or the bloodied slack-jawed, gaping maw of a nation on its knees. How fun. Refrain, however, from serving drinks like a “Chocolate Soldier” or a “One-Balled Dictator,” because that is tacky and horrible. Our humble suggestions, after the jump:

El Presidente

The perfect drink for toasting our new president.

Ingredients:

1 1/2 oz Light Rum

1 (Juice of) Lime

1 tsp Pineapple Juice

1 tsp Grenadine

Directions:

Shake all ingredients with ice, strain into a cocktail glass, and serve.

Americano

Like much of our nation, this drink is red and bitter.

Ingredients:

1/2 Sweet Vermouth

1/2 Campari

splash of club soda

Garnish: orange slice

Directions:

Pour over ice into a collins glass.

White Lady

The secret ingredient is moose testes.

Ingredients:

1 1/2 oz gin

3/4 oz Cointreau

3/4 oz lemon juice

Directions:

Pour the ingredients into a cocktail shaker filled with ice cubes. Shake well. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

Moosemilk

You betcha.

Ingredients:

1 oz White Rum

1 oz dark Rum

1 oz Kahlua Coffee liqueur

2 scoops Vanilla ice cream

2 fresh strawberries

Directions:

Place ingredients in a blender and mix until even consistency. (Note: usually made in a large batch using above ratios and served punch style at parties.)

Man o’War

Teehee.

Ingredients:

1 1/2 oz whisky

1 oz orange curacao liqueur

1/2 oz sweet vermouth

1/2 oz fresh orange juice

Directions:

Shake all ingredients well with ice and pour on the rocks in an old-fashioned glass. Garnish with a slice of orange and a cherry, and serve in an Old Fashioned glass.