US Federal Court Charges Makers Of “The Whizzinator” With Conspiracy

George Wills and Robert Catalano, who ran the internet company “Puck Technology,” have just pleaded guilty to two charges of conspiracy in relation to their production of a device called “The Whizzinator.” The Whizzinator was made famous in 2005 when actor Tom Sizemore used the device to try and fake his court-ordered drug tests. The duo was charged with conspiracy because the goal of the Whizzinator is to “defraud” the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, which administers federal workplace drug testing programs.

The California-based company, which proclaims itself to be the “undisputed leader in synthetic urine” (because, really, who would dispute that), has sold The Whizzinator online for the past three years. It comes in colors: white, tan, Latino, brown, and black.

Sure, you may think “tan”, “latino”, and “brown” are all the same, but that’s because you’re racist and all fake penises look the same to you. “Tan” is more Jessica Alba (you know, if she had a penis), “Latino” is George Lopez, and “Brown” is Hugo Chavez. The Whizzinator basically looks like a giant Depends diaper and, regardless of penis color or quality of synthetic urine, it’s very unattractive. We would not recommend it as a Christmas present, or even a gag gift (pun?).

The pair is scheduled to be sentenced in February and face up to eight years in prison as well as a $500,000 fine.

Fake penis drug test pair guilty [BBC News]
Inventors Of The Whizzinator Plead Guilty Of Conspiracy In Federal Court [Machochip]