Have you ever gazed forlornly at a hydrocephalic and mused, “Oh, if only I could look like that!” Well muse forlornly no more! “Bumpits!,” by Big Happie Hair, is a device that poofs hair up at the crown, giving you that enviable vaguely coneheaded alien look that’s so en vogue 42 years ago. Or in a few hair salons in Texas or Georgia catering to 4-year-old pageant queens and middle-aged Glamour Shots enthusiasts. Pretty!

While we do genuinely like some of the hairstyles made with the “Bumpits!” (which we keep mistakenly reading as “Bum Pits.”) for their retro appeal, the real allure of this advertisement are the models. Especially the young lady ecstatically demonstrating the “Bumpit Bob.” We’ve never seen anyone so exited about hair. Except for this one guy we knew who used to eat hair. After the jump, take a bump and get excited:

Seriously, take a look at these women and see if you could figure out what they were trying to sell:

Tampons?

Yogurt?

Vaginal cleansing product?

Estrogen replacement pills?

Casual cashmere throws to compliment your living room set?

Haha, no! Another lady-product entirely! Crack cocaine. Erm. “Bumpits!”