Any regular TV-watcher will have noticed that there seems to be about five people working on Spanish-language television in the United States: The Sexy News Anchor, the Grown Man Dressed as a Little Boy, the Beautiful Maid in an ugly outfit, the Rich Rancher’s Son who can’t seem to figure out how a shirt is buttoned and — perhaps most famously — the Woman With Her Nalgas Hanging Out. You know her. You’ve seen her on “Sabado Gigante”, wearing nothing but heels and a beaded headdress, informing you that you’ve just won a brand new Suzuki. She’s appeared on “La Oreja” in a tanga and a tan. She’s danced on “Cotorreando” while the host learns how to prepare enchiladas in under ten minutes. She could be an accomplished actress Ninel Conde. She could be Niurka. She could be a nameless nalga’d lady with dreams of making it big by appearing in a Fat Joe video.

But, no matter who she happens to be, the fact remains that she. Is. Everywhere:

The Nalga Lady is an institution on Spanish-language television, usually the butt (Sigh.) of a joke she doesn’t always seem to be in on or as something for hosts and audience members to drool over as she dances next to the grand prize of a washing machine. She is simultaneously exalted for her beauty and curves and held up as the feminine ideal and made to be something of a wiggling, jiggling, smiling, beguiling prop.

We know we love eating chicharrones in front of the TV far too much to ever be one of these Nalga Ladies, which is something of a relief but at the same time… Look. Fine. We’re kind of jealous, ok? These women exude a sense of confidence that, while arguably based on something so ephemeral as one’s ass, is admirable. Plus, these women tend to reflect a relatively sizable range of body types not often depicted as beautiful on more mainstream television stations. Still, we can’t help but resent the fact that they’re so fucking ubiquitous so as to be, like, the mascot for Spanish-language TV… and for Latinas in general. Which is sad for a number of reasons because, well, our ass is never going to look like Ninel’s.

And also sad because, come on. Not even Ninel’s ass looks like Ninel’s. You know?