Artificial Hymen Lets You Bleed, Be Awkward Like A Virgin

Sex-toy company Gigimodo created the artificial hymen- a.k.a. a plastic sac filled with fake blood- just for you, if "you" is the kind of girl who either needs to lie about being a virgin, or wants to re-live losing her maidenly flower. Since we are neither, we think we can opine impartially about this. What. The Fuck. Fake blood in our chocha?! No thank you! But wait, Gigimodo promises it will be easy as One, Two, Ooze;

Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount.

Just the right amount? What is that like, half a cup? A teaspoon? Pardon us while we re-experience our breakfast. Hymens have always seemed a bit like leprechauns to us. Firstly, we're pretty sure we never had one, but people are always going on and on about them like they hide some freaking pot of gold. Some cultures insist on them for "religious" reasons, thus sparking a whole slew of women to get surgical reconstructions (hymenoplasties.) The point of a hymenoplasty is to recreate the bleeding (and usually, pain) that occurs when the hymen is torn. So by this logic (ignoring the fact that we think the whole virgin obsession is ridiculous to begin with) a woman's word that she's never slept with a man is less important than the presence of a membrane that some women are simply born without, or lose in childhood due to exercise? Apparently, yes, it is. So we actually do have something good to say about the artificial hymen: it's only 15 bucks, and it doesn't cause you any pain- but you're on your own for cleanup. All I don't want for Christmas: An artificial hymen [Feministing] Artificial Virginity Hymen [Gigimo]