Covering The Coverage: Latinas And Abstinence

Gather ’round, Guanababies! It’s time, once again, to discuss that sloppy exchange of fluids and lies that we call “sex.”

So, the concept of abstaining from sex until the night of one’s honeymoon seems at once to be both a trend enthusiastically embraced by tweens and teens across the U.S. as well as an old-fashioned practice dictated by outdated social mores and expectations for women - the idea of chastity being almost synonymous with girlhood and femininity. With the United States being more and more a country of first, second and third generation Latinas, it’s interesting to see how societal pressure, religion, custom and tradition have impacted the way younger Latinas view sexuality and abstinence:

When Melody LaLuz (hot name!) informed her mother that she intended to wait until marriage, her mom was all, “Mija, you are tripping:”

“She said ‘How is this possible? Oh my god you’re not going to be able to get a man! And what if you married and you’re not compatible?’”

Exactly. You can’t fit a square into a circle, no matter how hard you try to tell us that three inches is standard. Melody’s fiance, CD, whom she had never so much as tongue-kissed, had this to say:

“I told her if we date I don’t even want to kiss until we get married — I’m not going to start something we can’t finish!” CD said. “There is such a sexual tension between us, we have to keep physical boundaries … no we don’t have any fears or concerns that physically anyone’s going to be inept.”

In case you were wondering, the two met while waiting for a flight to Uganda, where they were set to teach AIDS-heavy villages the benefits of abstinence and commitment. CD has had sex before, while in college, but decided to undergo a life change and vow to remain abstinent until his wedding night. As for what it’s like to be Neighborhood Prude in a Latino community, Melody admits it hasn’t always been easy:

“We’re both from broken homes and both felt the repercussions but it’s still hard,” Melody said. “We’ve both had those moments where people aren’t havin’ it. Being a Latina livin’ in the ‘hood near Logan Square I hear a lot of ‘I don’t want it, don’t need it!’ but I’m surrounded by people already on their second marriage, having had one or two abortions … there’s a mentality in the ‘hood that that’s just the way it is. No! It doesn’t have to be that way.”

So, what do you all think? We see plenty of benefits in choosing to wait until marriage in order to “consummate” a relationship — less risk of contracting STD’s, pregnancy, etc. — but we can’t help but wonder what happens to those who never do end up getting married. Or those who, thanks to many of the same groups who define sex as an act reserved for married couples, are not allowed to marry one another.

And what constitutes as sex, exactly? Who is allowed to determine what goes and what doesn’t? Is anal ok? Is oral? A handjob? Fingering? Does looking at porn and/or masturbating count as remaining chaste?

We also worry about some of the cultural implications regarding abstinence. Namely, the idea that men aren’t “real men” until they’ve shot a wad into a (female, non-donkey) person but that women are somehow diminished upon being penetrated.

Saving Yourself for Marriage: A Quaint New Custom for the Next Generation [HuffPo]