Covering the Coverage: New York Magazine Offers Sex Diary Of A Latina-Loving Trader

New York magazine likes to publish a little feature called “Daily Intel” that features a glorious sex diary every week. This week they featured a sex diary by a 27-year-old trader from the West Village who happens to be single, straight, and willing to travel on the promise of sex (kind of like those To Catch a Predator guys). The tales of threesomes with a married couple and other “swinging adventures” generally bore us (we regularly read pleas for these kind of sexual experiences on Craigslist) until we come across some mentions of Latinas.

Exhibit 1:

“My Latina admin comes in. While I do not shit where I eat, I do enjoy the dirty thoughts that come to mind. She is petite — five foot two at the most and around 125 pounds that she wears well, with massive D cups. I am still not sure if they are real or if she had a good doctor. Who cares … she would be fun regardless.”

This sounds like us! Creepy! Well, except the massive D cups. They’re probably not real.

Exhibit 2:

“See this banging Latina with sweater straining over fake breasts. I remind myself that I need to date a stripper before I die, much like my other goals of visiting Brazil and starting my own investment firm in five years.”

Ha ha this guy’s totally disgusting and we think we’ve been out with him. Why is it that both Latinas seem to have massive “sweater straining” fake breasts? And why don’t we have any? Are you there, God? It’s us, flat chest. Maybe we’ll just start buying kids’ size sweaters. “Sweater straining” is an ambiguous description.

But perhaps even more perplexing to us than this guy’s perception of Latinas is this:

“I slap on a condom and start missionary style. She is more verbal than I remember. I notice something. White women of a certain age — in my experience — use “cock” a lot. Younger girls use “dick.” Brothers generally use “dick” except when doing the whole “bbc” thing.”

Man, this guy’s such a dickfaced cockhole. See that? We used both words! We’re bordering on middle-age. Btw, lol, what’s the whole “bbc” thing? Please let us know!

This guys total sexual activity in the course of the column: “Three acts of intercourse; two acts of cunnilingus; two acts of fellatio; six acts of masturbation; one act of flying to another state for NSA threesome; two acts of gym exercising; two acts of ogling the office administrative staff.”

This guy paid to fly for a threesome and his sexual acts barely outnumber his masturbation sessions? Yeah. We’ve definitely gone out with this guy.

The Trader Who Will Fly for Sex [New York Magazine]