Fun Facts From Florida!: Like Nicholas Densmore, We Often Get Arrested For Having Sex With Our Grandmother’s Dog

20-year-old Nicholas Densmore of Titusville, Florida has been sentenced to four years in prison for sexual assault. On a dog. Specifically his grandmother’s dog. Not sure if any of you have ever lived or quickly driven through Titusville but… Yeah. Sounds about right.

According to police, Densmore was staying at his grandparents home in St. Peterburg, Florida on July 30, 2007 when his grandmother saw him with the dog in a motor home behind the house. When the grandmother approached, Densmore allegedly grabbed his grandparent’s Yorkshire Terrier and fled. The dog was later found injured in a nearby trash bin.

Upon medical examination, the little Yorkie had suffered a torn rectum and was found to contain Densmore’s semen. The dog has recovered (medically, anyway) but Densmore has, apparently, not. His family requested that he remain living with his grandparents so that they could “monitor his medication.” The judge, however, responded with an empathic “Bitch, please. Haha, that’s not a request.” Upon rejecting the request, the judge cited the fact that, quite obviously, this approach was proving ineffective.

Nice. Those teardrop tattoos are going to go over really well in prison while he’s being made into someone’s Yorkie.

Nicholas Densmore - Florida Man Found Guilty, Sentenced After Sexually Assaulting Granparent’s Pooch [The Weekly Vice]