Glug Glug: Three Drinks To Get You Through Christmas

We understand that there is nothing like getting together with family this Christmas. Which is why we’re ready with three traditional drink recipes to help get you through the experience with nary a memory.

These recipes are all a bit complicated, as a pretense for showing family members that you cared enough to put effort into totally numbing yourself when you’re around them. Of course, you could always just be a lazy drunk and buy store-bought eggnog or drink rum straight from the bottle while locked in your bathroom. But that would be taken as antisocial behavior. And we’re all about being drunk in public, because that is polite.

Recipes for coquito, fruit ponche and ron ponche, all after the jump:

Coquito

Ingredients:

-2 cans coconut cream

-1 can sweetened condensed milk

-1 can evaporated milk

-1 teaspoon vanilla extract

-1 to 2 cups white rum

-1 tablespoon ground cinnamon

-1 tablespoon ground nutmeg

Directions:

-Blend all ingredients in a blender on high for 5 minutes.

-Refrigerate overnight. Stir before serving.

-Serve cold, sip and enjoy.

Fruit Ponche

Ingredients:

10 quarts drinking water + 2 quarts hot water

8-10 tejocotes (Mexican hawthorn)

2 tamarind pods

6 guavas

3 lbs sugar cane

1/2 lb prunes

1 cup green apples, peeled and chopped

2 pears, peeled and chopped

4 large oranges (or 6 medium ones) juiced

1 tsp ground cloves

8oz walnuts, chopped

2 lbs piloncillo

2 cinnamon sticks

1 pint of Brandy (optional)

Directions:

Soak the tamarind and the tejocotes in hot water for about an hour.

Bring the 10 quarts of water to a boil in a very large pot, then reduce to a slow simmer. Remove the tamarind and the tejocotes from the soaking water and discard the water.

Remove the brittle shells from the tamarind, and squeeze out the seeds from the pulp. Cut the tejocotes into quarters, removing the skin. Add the tamarind pulp and the tejocotes to the simmering water.

Cut the guavas into quarters, and add them in.

Chop or slice the sugar cane into chunks (remove the outer skin if it has it) and add them in. Add in the remaining ingredients and simmer for 1 hour.

Remove cinnamon sticks before serving. Ladle and serve each cup with the chunks of fruit.

Mix in 1-2 oz of brandy per serving. Or you can add the entire pint to the batch before serving.

Ron Ponche

Ingredients:

-10 cans evaporated milk

-24 egg yolks

-3 1/2 cups sugar

-2 tsp nutmeg

-2 tsp vanilla extract

-1 cup water

-2 to 3 cups spiced, dark rum

Directions:

Put first five ingredients in large pot (or double boiler). Mix with mixer thoroughly in pot before heating. Cook on medium to low heat, stirring constantly. Cook until it becomes thick. Be patient.

Remove from heat. Add the 1 cup of water and the rum. Strain. Pour the liquid into decorated mason jar. Refrigerate before serving.

We’re off tomorrow, kittens. And I (Alex) will be off the 26th, sipping hot toddy in Sleepy Hollow and making puns with both “hot toddy” and “Sleepy Hollow.” Have a very Merry Christmas, everyone.

Coquito [Recipe Zaar]
Ron Ponche [Drinks Mixer]
Ponche Navideño [About]