Hi, My Name is Ana, and I’m an Alcoholic
2 December 2008, 1:30 PM. By Guanabee Staff
Hello, my name is Ana. Or “Anastasia Hinojosa” if you prefer pretentious Mexican names (I know I do). I’m the third Columbia University alum to join Guanabee, and I’m very excited and thankful to Guanabee for the opportunity to work under my former classmate and roommate Alex (*wink*). My goal as a Guanabee writer is simple: Represent Tex-Mex culture by using the word “pinche” as much as possible. It’s a great, versatile word that I hope you will all appreciate as much as I do.
I apologize for the picture of myself. I recently tried to go blonde (again) and the experiment left me with coppery hair. I had no choice but to cut it all off. It’s a cyclical process common to many of my people. I tried to cover my baldness with an awkward pose. I was trying to be cute, but it looks like I’m being arrested. At least I’m cooperative. Don’t tase me, bro!
I’ll try to be as funny as possible while covering such hilarities as media news, religion, and occasionally hot dudes. If you’re super-interested in knowing, my ethnic background is Texan/Mexican and German. I do not speak fluent Spanish, but I know enough to answer white people in malls (they always ask “Donde esta el bano” instead of “WHERE BATHROOM?”) and to call you names if you won’t pay for lunch (that’s where “pinche” comes in). I do speak German and some Swedish (remember, I’m pretentious). I don’t have sharpie eyebrows, but I do use eyebrow pencils to make them almost obnoxiously arched. I don’t use brown lipstick liner but I do wear bright red lipstick even though my lips are too big for anything brighter than a wine shade. I also drink tequila from glasses (not shot glasses), so I feel like that makes up for any Americanized aspects of my personality. Basically I’m trying to prove I’m still Mexican despite my lack of Spanish. Is it working?
Also, I ramble. I’m sorry for the long introduction.
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Welcome Ana! I like your chav cap.
uhhh…
sorry. it’s kind of awkward to see you here, after you saw me cry and throw up that night.
Welcome! I wonder where in Texas you’re from. Although with that “don’t tase me bro”, I have my theories :)
Ooops. I didn’t read the previous post….but yes..Spot On! love it.
Hiya Ana. Looking forward to more pinche pretentious content!
Hola Ana, bienvenida al team. Selena vive!
Hola Ana!
Love the beret (that is a beret right) one so seldom finds people daring enough to sport them.
It’s interesting that you tried to go blonde, even more interesting is your devil-may-care attitude towards wearing pinky, red lipstick no matter what it looks like. The term tex-mex makes me ill and I’m a virgo.
Nice to meet you and I hope you make funny post things.
Sidenote to G-Bee: What’s with the Columbia clique thing going on around here? Scraping the bottom of the barrel I see. I kid I kid! I love G-bee.
And you’re cute as hell too! Welcome!
Personally, I could do with a few more chingows, too.
What a cutie pie! &hearts Nicely done, Guanabee.
One thing, though. Ms. Hinojosa, if you can help it, feel free to jetison any and all future “hot dude” stories. They help give us typical dudes a negative body image. And stuff. We won’t be oppressed any longer!
i like fredo
@no_guey!: I completely forgot you cried.
Thanks for the warm welcome, everyone! (And especially the ones who called me cute) I will try to be super-funny, super-entertaining, and not at all oppressive to typical dudes everywhere.
HI ANA!
i see you like hats.. give me 5 bucks and i’ll make you a beanie, any color you want!
woohoo, another texican that hails from columbia yooou? i think we need to start a group somewheres.
although i confess i’m a barnard girl. go bears.
@ EnAnita: (love it) You don’t remember the crying? Then surely you remember him vomiting while you slept on the futon.
Boxed wine at Chinese restaurants = DON’T
@calitexican: I actually had no idea Barnard had its own mascot. I’m sure neither school wins too many football games anyway.
Yay Ana!!! I cannot tell you how long I’ve been peeking over my shoulder thinking “where the hell is that ana girl why is no one introducing me” until finally they explained you were in Texas. It is great to see your beautiful face!!
Wow, you actually have a job? What the fuck is this?
Welcome Ana!
YAY a penche Mexicana like me! Welcome!
As with Fredo, the term Tex-Mex makes me ill as well. So with that, I’m Cal-Mex! :)
I used “pinche” and “chingow” every day in almost every sentence. I can’t wait to read your posts!
Good luck!
aww awesome i hope u have fun here….
i am not sure why i am even reading this “blog.” what are your feelings on white men? i am from new york, but now i am in texas. we are opposites.
@ dijoalex: yeah, we barnard girls are bears! don’t need no stinkin’ lion…ok, maybe we do, otherwise we wouldn’t get our degrees, right martha stewart?
@ enanita: i’m guessing by being a texican+german yr from the SA area. or new braunsfels, the home of my summer home away from home while growing up…schlitterbahn! can i get a whawha…
Welcome Anita! I’ll give you a dollar if you convince Camilla to eat her chinchilla like the delicious cuy it is.
Kidding!
Sort of!