Hi, My Name is Ana, and I'm an Alcoholic
Hello, my name is Ana. Or “Anastasia Hinojosa” if you prefer pretentious Mexican names (I know I do). I’m the third Columbia University alum to join Guanabee, and I’m very excited and thankful to Guanabee for the opportunity to work under my former classmate and roommate Alex (*wink*). My goal as a Guanabee writer is simple: Represent Tex-Mex culture by using the word “pinche” as much as possible. It’s a great, versatile word that I hope you will all appreciate as much as I do.
I apologize for the picture of myself. I recently tried to go blonde (again) and the experiment left me with coppery hair. I had no choice but to cut it all off. It’s a cyclical process common to many of my people. I tried to cover my baldness with an awkward pose. I was trying to be cute, but it looks like I’m being arrested. At least I’m cooperative. Don’t tase me, bro!
I’ll try to be as funny as possible while covering such hilarities as media news, religion, and occasionally hot dudes. If you’re super-interested in knowing, my ethnic background is Texan/Mexican and German. I do not speak fluent Spanish, but I know enough to answer white people in malls (they always ask “Donde esta el bano” instead of “WHERE BATHROOM?”) and to call you names if you won’t pay for lunch (that’s where “pinche” comes in). I do speak German and some Swedish (remember, I’m pretentious). I don’t have sharpie eyebrows, but I do use eyebrow pencils to make them almost obnoxiously arched. I don’t use brown lipstick liner but I do wear bright red lipstick even though my lips are too big for anything brighter than a wine shade. I also drink tequila from glasses (not shot glasses), so I feel like that makes up for any Americanized aspects of my personality. Basically I’m trying to prove I’m still Mexican despite my lack of Spanish. Is it working?
Also, I ramble. I’m sorry for the long introduction.
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- Managing Editor
Daniel Mauser
- Editor
Cindy Casares
- Associate Editor
Alex Alvarez
- Contributing Editors
Gabriel Caro - Camilla Rowan
- Video Editor
Marcelo Cunning
Welcome Ana! I like your chav cap.
Posted by ...dijo Alex | December 02, 2008
uhhh…
sorry. it’s kind of awkward to see you here, after you saw me cry and throw up that night.
Posted by no_guey! | December 02, 2008
Welcome! I wonder where in Texas you’re from. Although with that “don’t tase me bro”, I have my theories :)
Posted by jrod | December 02, 2008
Ooops. I didn’t read the previous post….but yes..Spot On! love it.
Posted by jrod | December 02, 2008
Hiya Ana. Looking forward to more pinche pretentious content!
Posted by juanbobo | December 02, 2008
Hola Ana, bienvenida al team. Selena vive!
Posted by Marcelo | December 02, 2008
Hola Ana!
Love the beret (that is a beret right) one so seldom finds people daring enough to sport them.
It’s interesting that you tried to go blonde, even more interesting is your devil-may-care attitude towards wearing pinky, red lipstick no matter what it looks like. The term tex-mex makes me ill and I’m a virgo.
Nice to meet you and I hope you make funny post things.
Sidenote to G-Bee: What’s with the Columbia clique thing going on around here? Scraping the bottom of the barrel I see. I kid I kid! I love G-bee.
Posted by Fredo | December 02, 2008
And you’re cute as hell too! Welcome!
Posted by Daveg | December 02, 2008
Personally, I could do with a few more chingows, too.
Posted by La Cindy | December 02, 2008
What a cutie pie! &hearts Nicely done, Guanabee.
One thing, though. Ms. Hinojosa, if you can help it, feel free to jetison any and all future “hot dude” stories. They help give us typical dudes a negative body image. And stuff. We won’t be oppressed any longer!
Posted by rabbit special | December 02, 2008
i like fredo
Posted by fredofan1 | December 02, 2008
@no_guey!: I completely forgot you cried.
Thanks for the warm welcome, everyone! (And especially the ones who called me cute) I will try to be super-funny, super-entertaining, and not at all oppressive to typical dudes everywhere.
Posted by EnAnita | December 02, 2008
HI ANA!
i see you like hats.. give me 5 bucks and i’ll make you a beanie, any color you want!
Posted by la roncha | December 02, 2008
woohoo, another texican that hails from columbia yooou? i think we need to start a group somewheres.
although i confess i’m a barnard girl. go bears.
Posted by calitexican | December 02, 2008
@ EnAnita: (love it) You don’t remember the crying? Then surely you remember him vomiting while you slept on the futon.
Boxed wine at Chinese restaurants = DON’T
@calitexican: I actually had no idea Barnard had its own mascot. I’m sure neither school wins too many football games anyway.
Posted by ...dijo Alex | December 02, 2008
Yay Ana!!! I cannot tell you how long I’ve been peeking over my shoulder thinking “where the hell is that ana girl why is no one introducing me” until finally they explained you were in Texas. It is great to see your beautiful face!!
Posted by camilla | December 02, 2008
Wow, you actually have a job? What the fuck is this?
Posted by schneider | December 02, 2008
Welcome Ana!
Posted by Daniel Mauser | December 02, 2008
YAY a penche Mexicana like me! Welcome!
As with Fredo, the term Tex-Mex makes me ill as well. So with that, I’m Cal-Mex! :)
I used “pinche” and “chingow” every day in almost every sentence. I can’t wait to read your posts!
Good luck!
Posted by Valerie | December 02, 2008
aww awesome i hope u have fun here….
Posted by andar_de_pelo_suelto | December 02, 2008
i am not sure why i am even reading this “blog.” what are your feelings on white men? i am from new york, but now i am in texas. we are opposites.
Posted by dan binder | December 02, 2008
@ dijoalex: yeah, we barnard girls are bears! don’t need no stinkin’ lion…ok, maybe we do, otherwise we wouldn’t get our degrees, right martha stewart?
@ enanita: i’m guessing by being a texican+german yr from the SA area. or new braunsfels, the home of my summer home away from home while growing up…schlitterbahn! can i get a whawha…
Posted by calitexican | December 02, 2008
Welcome Anita! I’ll give you a dollar if you convince Camilla to eat her chinchilla like the delicious cuy it is.
Kidding!
Sort of!
Posted by Bosrican | December 02, 2008