How to Have Better Makeup Than Miley Cyrus (Teenage Edition)

The London Times has issued, via their website, a makeup how-to guide for teenage girls to help them not look like Miley Cyrus. According to The Times, her makeup choices are “neither necessary nor suitable for a girl of Cyrus’s years.” This is especially disappointing to them (yes, the British are disappointed with other people’s American children) because, without the ho makeup, Miley is a natural beauty with “bouncy hair, smooth skin, clear eyes, her own teeth.” Teeth are obviously important to the British, though aren’t Miley’s fake? They look like tiny mouse veneers at times. Anyway, this got us thinking, if Miley, 16, wears makeup like that and is called out for looking like a ho, then what would The Times think of Latina youth? And what are pitfalls that every Latina teenager should avoid to keep from looking…unsuitable?

Foundation:
When choosing a foundation, it’s important for every teen to pick a color that is neither too dark nor too white. If you choose a color that is too off, it might betray your ethnic preferences. The Times does not mention their preferences for foundation, which has us believe they may believe teenagers don’t need any. Go “fresh-faced”, girls!

Lips:
Guanabee has shown you before how to achieve these fabulous lips but The Times would have you believe that this style is overdone. They recommend “just a hint of cheek and lip colour”, which is technically what this young lady has (lip liner and a hint of lip color). As a teen we preferred red lipstick and we got many “oye mami” compliments. (Yes, “compliments”. We’re optimists and delusional.)

Eyebrows:
Since most Latinas probably have naturally arched eyebrows, please don’t feel the need to shave them off and draw them on even more exaggerated. The Times doesn’t mention their eyebrow etiquette at all, since I’m not sure British or regular white people spend so much time on theirs, but as people who have seen atrocious eyebrow penciling firsthand, we highly recommend sticking to minimum definition.

Hair:

We’ve noticed a trend among our teenaged Latina family members towards wearing hair back in a greasy, neat ponytail. Compared to Miley’s messy, extension-y hair tendencies, we’ll support the ponytail. For those of our young family members who don’t have kids, we’ve noticed they tend to wear ribbons in their hair. Ah youth. For those of our young family members who do have kids, we’ve noticed that they leave out the ribbon–no doubt so when they visit their children at their grandparents’ house, they don’t have to worry about the babies pulling on it.

Nails:

Nails are always an important part of the dress-up process. Unpainted nails can come across as boring or lazy, while solid-colored painted nails can seem ordinary. We recommend pizazz. Glittery, fancy fashion nails are not only age-appropriate for teenagers — we’d possibly cry if anyone in our family over 40 had them — but they’re pretty much a universal sign that the wearer of these nails has an emotional age of 13. Note to Miley: next time you’re taking dirty, beaver-faced pictures of yourself for MySpace, slap on some acrylics and give yourself some much needed style!

How to do tasteful teenage makeup–not like Miley Cyrus [The London Times]