The Hood Thong: The Stupidest Fashion Statement Since Baggy Skinny Jeans
4 December 2008, 5:00 PM. By Guanabee Staff
Cue heavenly music. Imagine the sky opening up. Look! It’s God! He’s come to send us us lowly mortals His stupidest creation yet: The Hood Thong. You might think to yourselves: “Who thought shoving a piece of fabric uncomfortably between a lady’s shaved labia, up through her possibly bleached ass crack, and connecting it to a hood like some complicated parachute gear was a good idea?” Well, we’ve already answered that: God. And apparently two people named “Han & Brikauski”. And who would’ve thought fashion would be blessed with anything stupider than baggy skinny jeans?
As people who are selectively optimist, we’re going to set aside the stupidity of this creation and focus on its positive attributes:
This contraption is good for cold weather! You can put jeans and a turtle neck sweater over it and the hood will keep heat in (it escapes through your head, you know. Fact.).
It might also be good for seducing athletes! Just replace that paper-mâché rock with a soccer ball and the whole outfit is slightly less stupid. It will require athletic prowess to remove this outfit come sexy-time. (Again: We’re optimists, selectively.)
Any other ideas? We’d suggest adding a belt, but that might look ridiculous.
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Does the hood vibrate when you fart?
I’ll bet this is what Mrs. Belicheck gets for Christmas from her hoodie chopping NFL coach husband.
Originally published in:
L.A. RECORD - VOL3 ISSUE 2
Modeled by - Heather Christie
Photographed by - Dan Monick
p diddy (or whatever his name is now) will surely have a bunch of girls wearing these in his next video
This is ridiculous. It barely covers the vag, it provides no coverage for the tetas and I doubt its 100% cotton.
Ashley Dupre: So like, why does it have a hood, though? I don’t get it.
Gov. Spitzer: Oh that. That’s to hide your shame, babycakes. Can you spell ’shame’? S-H-A…
Ashley Dupre: YES!!! *giggles* Gawd, I’m not stupid or anything. Remember how I wrote that I enjoyed reading and “experiencing deep talks” on my profile? So, anyway, what do you do for a living Spitzy?