Guanabee Goes To The Ball

Contributing editor Camilla Rowan had the chance to attend one of the many inaugural balls meant to show America what an awkward dancer our new president happens to be. Join her as she boozily traipses down memory lane. There might be a mini-cupcake or romp beneath the bleachers in it for you.

When my friend said she had an extra ticket to one of the official inaugural balls, I jumped at the chance like a pitbull jumping for bratwurst. Little did I know that my hazy dreams of champagne cocktails and dancing in an improbable three-way waltz with Michelle and Barack would be replaced by what I shall always remember as “Prom 2009: The Presidential Edition.”

The D.C. Armory looks like the unholy offspring of a high school gym and an airplane hangar. Bleachers take up one whole side of the room, and the wooden floor screams retro basketball court, so that didn’t help my growing suspicion that I’d been tricked into going to a prom instead of the ball I thought I’d signed up for. Six mini-cupcakes and two glasses of booze later, I was feeling much better about the whole thing, and the giant raised stage bearing the slogan “Renewing America’s Promise” seemed to… promise… that at least some kind of dignitary would make an appearance to legitimize the event.

Buoyed by that hope, I spent the next few hours dancing with elderly gentlemen and exploring the magical bleachers and locker-style bathrooms of the venue. Finally the lights dimmed, the blues band was replaced by a military band, and the crowd pressed together around the stage. Some guy came out on the dais and said some nice things, and then danced with his pretty blonde wife. Wait what, that’s our new Vice-President? Who?

Joe and Jill pranced out, then ten minutes went by and the crowd started to get restless. Like teenagers at an Aerosmith concert, one person started to chant and soon the whole crowd picked up the cry: “O-ba-ma! O-ba-ma!” Finally the glorious couple appeared from the wings, surrounded by little sparkles of glitter and wearing matching tiaras. No, that last part is a lie- but they did at least seem to glitter, as the flashes from ten thousand camera-phones bounced off their huge smiles. After Obama told us how great we all were for electing him Prom King of America he ripped off that line about Ginger Rogers and told us his wife did everything he did except backwards and in high heels. Cute! Then they danced:

So it was awkward. But I’ll always treasure the memory of our president swaying self-consciously in front of a drunk crowd while they hooted encouragement at him. It was sweet, it was weird and it made me grateful to have a president actually worth getting rowdy over.

For a Photo-Journey Down My Personal Inaugural Memory Lane, Click The Patriotic Cupcakes