Mario Lopez Has Moved On To The Next Flavor Of The Week, Guanabee Expert Weighs In

Having decided that Smirnoff is no longer his flavor of choice, dimpled dancer and sometimes TV host Mario Lopez has moved on to some new broad. Guanabee has enlisted the help of expert celebrity body language interpreter Doctor Xela Zeravla, to determine whether these two crazy comemierdas have a future together, or whether they’ll exchange bodily fluids and fake numbers. 

Take it away, Doctor…

Dr. Xela Zeravla, Expert Celebrity Body Language Interpreter

Bueno. First we notice that Mario seems to be turned away from his ladyfriend, with eyes completely shut. This can mean one of two things: Either Mario is not all that interested in his female hanger-on or he is not interesting in his female hanger-on and happens to be completely blasted out of his fucking mind. Either way, his trace of a smile and relaxed stance shoes he is confident that, no matter what, he will, indeed, get laid tonight.

Next we notice that Mario seems to be sweating. This could be because it is hot in the typically disgusting Los Angeles area nightclub in which he finds himself, or because he is totally rolling on E. 

Moving on our attention onto his female companion, we notice she is wearing several cheap plastic necklaces likely purchased on sale at Claire’s. A more conservative Expert Celebrity Body Language Interpreter might take this to mean that girlfriend is just plain tacky, but we who now a little something about sleeping with Hollywood F-listers will venture to say that she’s providing him with a hint of what’s to come. 

HTH,

Dr. Xela Zeravla

Intriguing! Do you all agree with Dr. Zeravla’s diagnosis? 

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