Obama Tells Mexican President Felipe Calderon To Upgrade. How Heathers.

Yesterday our president-elect Barack Obama reached across the great cultural divide with a message of change for Mexican President Felipe Calderon: “You wanted to be a member of the most powerful clique in school. If I wasn’t already the head of it, I’d want the same thing. So, you can totally stay in NAFTA as long as you, like, upgrade. Come on. It will be very.” What exactly does Heather Obama, mean by upgrade? Well that’s anyone’s guess. And everyone has!

The president-elect was not specific, but spokesman Robert Gibbs said that, in between bites of tortilla soup, fish and steak with cilantro, and coconut cream custard, Obama “expressed his continued commitment to upgrading NAFTA to strengthen labor and environmental provisions to reflect the values that are widely shared in both of our countries.” Which we take to mean, “Clean up your dirty poors, Heather. Both in the U.S. and in Mexico vis-à-vis those filthy, environmentally unsound factories you’re so fond of. Many of which–whoops–are actually owned by us.” To which Mexicans are all, “What is your damage, Heather? If you’re going to block trade, prepare for more of us to be sneaking in through your border wall glory holes, amigos.” Then they went outside for a game of croquet. Hopefully no one ends up drinking Drano.

OBAMA TELLS CALDERÓN HE WANTS TO ‘UPGRADE’ NAFTA [DALLAS MORNING NEWS]
Screen Grab [KVEO]