Thalia, Paulina Rubio And Their Engorged Egos Come Together At Madonna Concert

Back in the 80s, Paulina Rubio and Thalia were both in Timbiriche - which was sort of like Menudo, but with less vagina. The two then left around the same time to pursue solo careers, with Thalia starring in various successful soap operas and shedding ribs left and right, and Paulina gaining notoriety for her music and withering lack of self-awareness.

The two have spent their golden years growing increasingly wealthy and irrelevant and talking smack about the other. But! They finally met up at a Madonna concert, the only safe zone where the Material Girl’s own dense fog of narcissism overshadowed those of Paulina and Thalia.

Luckily for no one, Guanabee has an exclusive transcript of what went down that night:

Thalia: Oh. Hey Paulina. Ow!

Paulina: Oh fanfuckingtastic, chavita de mierda. You’re rubbing your “Marimar” fame in my face again, aren’t you?

Thalia: No, I was crying out in pain because you pierced my arm with one of your nipples.

Paulina: Which of the three?

Thalia: Oh, Pau! I had forgotten you made me laugh…

Paulina: I’d forgotten how much gazing upon you made me crave a McRib…

Thalia: Can’t we please be friends again?

Paulina: I don’t know… I’m pretty busy slipping slowly into obscurity these days.

Thalia: We can work on it! Oh, hey, wait. I think I see Mariah Carey hiding behind some speakers with a shank. I’m off to give a music exec a blowjob! I’ll be right back.

Paulina: Ok. Y yo sigo aquí, esperándote.

Madonna: RAAAWWWR! I SHALL BATHE IN THE WARM CURRENTS OF YOUR BLOOD! CHEERIO I MUST GO TO THE LOO!

Thalia: Drama queen.

Paulina: Seriously.