This Valentine’s Day, Give Your Sweetie A “Fuck”

Ah, childhood! A time of laughter, mirth, accidental or deliberate Play-Doh consumption and all manner of fuckery. One child, “Suzy,” used her specially honed child-demon powers to create a strange and mysterious creature known as a “fuck.”

A fuck, explains “Suzy,” is a cross between a fox and a duck, forged in the ever-burning cauldrons of Hells.

Read on to learn more about fucks, their origins and what they like to eat:

Charming. Fucks, because they are cute, good pets, would make an ideal present for your sweetheart(s) this Valentine’s Day. There are, however, a few more facts about fucks with which one should acquaint oneself before purchasing - or capturing - such a creature:

• Yes, fucks are native to New York, although cheaper versions are often found in the wilds of New Jersey, particularly in damp areas such as the Jersey Shore. 
• Fucks are usually very quick, and so one must employ caution and cunning when attempting to capture such a creature.
• Fucks tend to be quite messy, so it is advisable to lay down a towel (preferably belonging to a roommate) or plastic covering on any surface on which a fuck might do its…. fuckery.
• Fucks are edible. They taste like cheese and hair.
• Fucks have a short lifespan, especially if you take to calling one by a name other than its own. They are sensitive, high-strung creatures.
• Fucks have been known to fly. It is ill-advised to give such a fuck as a present.

What Do You Get When You Cross a Fox and a Duck? [Buzzfeed]