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Here Are Your 81st Annual Academy Award Winners, Guanabebes

23 Feb 2009 | 02:09 Comments: 10

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Guanabee Staff

Publisher/Sales
Daniel Mauser
Managing Editor
Cindy Casares
Associate Editor
Marcelo Baez
Contributing Editor
Ohhellsnah
Contributing Editor
Julio Torres
Contributing Editor
El Guapo
Associate Art Director
Liran Okanon

Have you seen, heard or read something interesting lately?

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In case you're stuck in a cave in Pennsylvania and can't watch the Academy Awards, (but still have the internet), we'll be posting the winners here as they are announced. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves in the comments.

81st Annual Academy Award Winners

Best Actress in a supporting role- Penelope Cruz, Vicky Christina Barcelona [She didn't mention Javier Bardem???]
Best Original Screenplay-Dustin Lance Black, MILK [Wow, he looks like Crispin Glover.]
Best Adapted Screenplay-Simon Beaufoy, Slumdog Millionaire
Best Animated Feature Film-Andrew Stanton, Wall-E
Best Animated Short Film- Kunio Kato, La Maison En Petits Cubes ["Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto."]
Best Art Direction-Donald Graham Burt; Set Direction-Victor J. Zolfo, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Best Costume Design-Michael O'Conner, The Duchess
Best Makeup-Greg Cannom, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Best Cinematography-Anthony Dod Mantle, Slumdog Millionaire

Break from the awards for a Judd Apatow comedy bit starring Seth Rogan and James Franco... Oh, Judd Apatow, you used to be so cool.

Best Live Action Short Film-Jochen Alexander Freydank, Spielzeugland (Toyland)

Even though Hugh Jackman is singing "Maria" to Beyonce, Beyonce is not Latina and Hugh is totally not gay. Speaking of gay, this new council-of-elders style of presenting the Best Actor categories is beyond. BEYOND.

Best Actor In A Supporting Role-Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight [What can we say? This is a shock to everyone. Angelina's bawling.]
Best Documentary Feature-James Marsh & Simon Chinn, Man On Wire [That guy balancing an Oscar on his chin is the best thing we've seen all night.]
Best Documentary Short-Smile Pinki, Megan Mylan
Best Visual Effects-Eric Barba [Raza!], Steve Preeg, Burt Dalton, Craig Barron, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Best Sound Editing-Richard King, The Dark Knight
Best Sound Mixing-Ian Tapp, Richard Pryke, Resul Pookutty, Slumdog Millionaire
Best Film Editing-Chris Dickens, Slumdog Millionaire

Thank God Heidi Klum is drinking Diet Coke now. She's gotten really fat. Unrelated: Damn, Jerry Lewis is old.

Best Original Score-A.R. Rahman, Slumdog Millionaire [We have to admit, of all the boring scores they just played, it was the least boring.]

Presentation of the Best Original Song category begins with a performance of A.R. Rahman's song from Slumdog Millionaire complete with dancers. Hot damn, now you're talking, Bollywood!

Best Original Song-A.R. Rahman and Gulzar for "Jai Ho", Slumdog Millionaire
Best Foreign Lanugage Film-Departures, Yojiro Takita, Japan

Without question, Paul Newman is the best dead guy on that dead people montage.

Best Director-Danny Boyle, aka Morrissey, aka Nick Denton, Slumdog Millionaire

Here comes the Council of Eldresses to announce Best Actress.

Best Actress-Kate Winslet, The Reader [Telling Meryl Streep to just suck it up. That's balls, ladies and gentlemen.]

Seriously cannot stomach the elders for much longer. You're not curing cancer here, Academy. Get over yourselves. The fun thing about HD is you can see the makeup on every single one of these macho, legendary leading men.

Best Actor-Sean Penn, MILK [It remains true that if you want to win an Oscar, play a gay, an ugly person or a retard.]
Best Picture-Slumdog Millionaire [We sure didn't see that one coming.]

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Get ready for 2009 to be the year of the Indian. We're going out for some naan. Night, night.

What do you think?

LOL
CHISPAS
AY DIOS MIO
QUE CUTE
NERDO
NACO
CURSI
QUE COOL

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academy awards, entertainment, hollywood, oscars

Comments

patrick February 23, 2009

These "real time" updates on the awards are great---I feel like you are sitting beside me watching the awards with me in my living room ---why do you think they are running such old advertisements? They don't have any money to shoot new ads you say? That is really interesting......
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Guest February 23, 2009

Hugh Jackman couldn't be gayer if he were tongue kissing Richard Simmons to the sound of Sister Sledge.
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patrick February 23, 2009

Heath Ledger won his posthumous award with a side of baba ganoush!
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Guest February 23, 2009

Can a dead guy win an Oscar? Who knows! Who cares! I wanna hear more about the Octamom!
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Guest February 23, 2009

MILK---it does a body good and it wins Sean Penn Oscar gold.
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Guest February 23, 2009

Of course Slum Dog was going to win. *Yawn*
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bananajuana1 February 23, 2009

great work cindy
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Latin_Princess February 23, 2009

Where was Javier Bardem? I thought it was customary to have last year's winner announce the new winner. No?
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escobar February 23, 2009

I actually loved the "council of elders" thing, Cindy. And Dustin Lance Black is infinitely cuter than Crispin Glover; two million homo hardens will attest. And what's the opposite of a homo hardon, cuz that's what I have for that Beyonce musical number...perhaps the worst, most artless production number EVER on the Oscars (and you know that's saying a LOT...it was even worse than Snow White).
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fuacata February 23, 2009

'YouOre not curing cancer here, Academy. Get over yourselves.' This is exactly what I was thinking every freaking time they did that. And what the heck happened to Sophia Loren? I'm kind of sad she looked so scary.
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