Happy “Go Texan Day!”
27 February 2009, 1:23 PM. By Alex Alvarez
It’s Go Texan Day, everyone. The perfect sort-of holiday for announcing that you are very invested in saving a horse by riding a cowboy. Made of BEEF! Yeehaw!
On this day, you can wear a feathered mullet and a bolo tie and pretend to be a cowgirl instead of merely someone who dresses like a lesbian stand-up comedian circa 1993.
Here are some tips on celebrating Go Texan Day, should you happen to not be from Texas:
- For Brooklynites, celebrate by going to The Levee and ordering a “The Texas Two Step:” $5 for a bottle of Lone Star and shot of the worst tequila you will ever taste. Drinking’s not drinking unless you’re in pain.
- If you actually do see someone with a “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy/girl” t-shirt, punch that person square in the face. Say “this is for TEXANS!” while they look up at your from the pavement, blinking, bewildered, and frantically searching for the twee little wallet in the shape of an old-school cassette that they also purchased at Urban Outfitters.
- Eat a steak. Unless you’re Catholic. In which case: Eat a Protestant.
- Everything’s bigger in Texas, as guys from Texas will often tell you with a hopeful gleam in their eyes. So do something big. Like watch a DVD at home, alone, with a BIG bag of Teddy Grahams.
- Wear a giant, stupid hat.
- Wear a skinny, stupid tie.
- Mess with something. Or don’t.
- Thank the Baby Jesus for giving us Santa Selena, Janis Joplin, the inimitable Jessica Simpson, Buddy Holly, Lee Harvey Oswald and ZZ Top. Thank you, Lord, for giving us Texas.
It’s Go Texan Day! Hope You Don’t Have Any Out-Of-Town Friends Coming In [Houston Press]
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Okay, you’ve convinced me. I’m moving back.
Does chewing out a Baptist count? Because I sure as hell did that this morning.
If you want to feel like a Texan, pull all your summer clothing out of storage and cram it in with all your winter clothing. You will get used to wearing a tank top one day and a parka the next.
If you want to feel like a Texan, find out where your local die-hard Republicans gather. Get in the huddle and say something like, “Let’s go watch Milk before we help my friend with her immigration papers.” What happens next is rather common in Texas.
let’s also thank the lord for giving us my favorite lesbionic texican, crystal connors from del rio texass! showgirls was created just for her.
HAHA! I just ordered the “Showgirls” VIP limited edition box set off Amazon for 12bucks.
you just may be my brother from another mother. speaking of mothers, mine actually IS from del rio, texas. i nearly died when i was a lil texican watching that movie and heard that.
aaaand, there just ain’t NO way cristal (sorry for the misspelling before. i have stand corrected thx to IMDB) is from del rio… can you imagine? heehee.
“Chrissie Lou Connors used to have dingy brown hair and little bitty tits. It’s amazing what paint and a surgeon can do.” - She’s changed so I believe she could be drom Del Rio.
i guess del rio couldn’t contain my family…it just makes me laugh. i wonder if she was a mall rat with my cousins or something when she was a texican. hahahahaha…that mall is “hella” small.
God bless Tejas!
although in Cali for over 20 years, I’m still a Texican. shout outs to all my compadres and comadres, Whataburger, Pancho’s, Sonic, Wyatt’s, Luby’s and Ralph the Pig.
El Paso represent!
and amy’s ice cream, taco cabana (!!!), thundercloud subs, mexican martinis, the riverwalk cause it’s purdy and puffy tacos.
i think if you were born and raised in texas, no matter where you live, one remains a texican por vida man. shit, i know i defend being from texas at least once a day for the past decade or so.
And H-E-B, Shiner Bock beer on tap and Willie’s Place in Carl’s Corner. Plus walking into Mexico to get medicina.
i know, i was thinking about the H-E-B as soon as i hit “submit!” good add. and shiner…many haikus have been written on that particular nectar from the gods. also, i heart lone star beer too. in an ice cold bottle. that’s right. i said it.
chicken shit bingo on sundays at ginny’s little longhorn saloon.
oh yeah, and sxsw!
and, if i ate meat, i just might add lockhart, texas for having the best spicy sausage (mind outta the gutters y’all) served on brown butcher paper with a side of doughy white bread in that red plastic-y bowl thingy. oh my, oh my…my mouth’s watering just thinking about it.
My friends gave me a case of Lone Star Beer as my housewarming gift when I bought it a few years ago. Best gift ever!
I don’t eat meat either. (Odd for us Texans.) I once packed a PBJ sandwich for a wedding because everyone here serves beef at receptions.
CHICO’S TACOSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!
Stupid California.
i know this sounds like heresy (Eastwood HS alum here) but i’m not a big fan of Chico’s (and let the gasps begin…). i have to say the mexican food from san diego ranks as my fave (and another gasp…). rolled tacos in watery, green chile kechup? meh. give me a roberto’s carne asada burrito any day. or an al pastor burrito from el cuervo.
Gaspo!
I don’t dig this San Diegan mexican food. They’re called goddamn flautas, I want flautas, flautas, flautas, not “rolled tacos.” “Aqui no hay ‘flautas,’ son ‘rolled tacos’” whatever bitch give me flautas. Gah. And whats with eating menudo with tortillas instead of pan tostado? And nobody sells aguas frescas that aren’t dispensed from the soda thing :[
Oh! And let’s not forget the ability to get in your car, drive 12 hours and still be in the same state!
have you beein to Cali, lately? you could be driving for 12 hours and still be in the same city on a holiday weekend friday.
very true!
I’m in what I think is a pretty typical situation for a young Texan…trying my best to move out of state and defending the fact that I’m from there at the same time.