Economy Forces Mexican Village To Replace Money With Wood. We Have Some Other Suggestions.

The overall suckitude of the global economy has forced patrons of the Santiago Tianguistenco in Mexico have begun using planks of wood in place of credit or money. What other sorts of things would we be willing to trade for goods?

We’ve got a list of possible goods for trade: (Hint: Wood.)

Maybe the market-goers are on to something. At the market, people who wish to buy soap, food, clothing and toys must be have sticks as long as three hands and as wide as a fist. At least two are needed for an exchange, with a three-foot bundle of sticks being worth enough to buy a week’s worth of food for a family of three. 

Here are some other things we’d be willing to exchange for goods and services:

• Bacon.  A strip of regular bacon can be equivalent to around, say, fifty cents. Maple-glazed is a dollar fifty and turkey bacon gets you a smack in the face with a pork cutlet.
• Booze. Yes, top-shelf tequila and fancy Scotch that comes from glass bottles and not clay jugs are expensive. But people who think beyond the box of wine sitting in your Kountry Kitchen will know that intrepid alcoholics individuals know that alcoholic beverages can be made for next to nothing in one’s own bathtub. What else would we use that for, anyway? Two fingers of moonshine will get you any item off McDonald’s Dollar Menu. A flask will get you a Happy Meal, and a jug will get you arrested for public nudity.
• Cupcakes. Say you live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn or in the Silver Lake section of LA. Booze and bacon will get you far, sure, but nothing’s worth more here than an extra twee cupcake. Cupcakes without frosting equal a swift roundhouse kick to the face. Plain, frosted cupcakes equal roughly a dollar (More if you’re getting ripped off by a tattoo’d rockabilly bakerlady who insists organic flour milled by Tibetan monks under and eclipse costs a lot to get, but is totally worth it.), sprinkles will get you two bucks’ worth of crap and a cupcake featuring some inane twee detail like a sparrow whispering secret to a giggling baby deer is worth five dollars.
• Wood. Maybe Nevada is on to something, you know? Of course, over half the population has to sit out (Or on! Haha! Gross! Stop it.) of this one. But, good, you know? Let men exploit themselves sexually for once. A micropenis will get you a hug, three to five inches will get you a peck on the cheek, five to six inches will get you a McFlurry and anything over that is just an embarrassment of riches and uncouth to be shoving around in people’s faces.

Any other suggestions?

Wood replaces money in Mexican village [LA Times]