Esquire Interview Shows Sarah Palin Enjoys Rusty Trombones, Hates Bloggers

In a brief interview about “what she’s learned” (presumably ever and not just during the course of her vice-presidential campaign), Alaska governor Sarah Palin allows Esquire magazine to penetrate her inner psyche.

So. What has Sarah Palin learned?

Palin’s first response is “We had flutes and trombones around the house.” Which is, we suppose, something someone might learn or discover. Imagine preparing for a long day of moose hunting, only to discover  French horn hidden behind the radiator. Here are some other things we’ve learned from Sarah Palin’s interview:

• We annoy her: The Governor admits that “bored, anonymous, pathetic bloggers who lie” annoy her. We guess, technically, we’re not anonymous. But we are certainly bored and prone to lying. And maybe a little pathetic. We have not, for example, put on a pair of pants in three days. Pathetic! Also, is this woman 14 years old? Annoyed by bloggers? Not, like. By bureaucracy in government? Or lobbyists? Or partisanship? The threat of nuclear war is kinda bothersome!
• She’s learned nothing: A few lines down, Palin says you have to just “let it go” when “even credible news sources” get facts wrong. We heard she has a two-inch, rubbery tail covered in scales.
• Bristol’s name is layered in meaning: Bristol, Palin’s eldest and most fertile daughter, got her name because, unfortunately, her mother worked at something called the Bristol Inn and her father, Todd, grew up in someplace called Bristol Bay. Also? ESPN headquarters is located in Bristol, Connecticut. Palin originally wanted to be the first female sportscaster for the network, but did not want to move to Connecticut. 
• She doesn’t think she’s hot without makeup: We think she’s very pretty. (Despite the tail.)
• She has no idea what New Yorkers are like: Palin says one thing that ties Alaskans and New Yorkers is the fact that we all tear up during the National Anthem at baseball games. As a person who has lived among New Yorkers for about six years now, this just isn’t true. To say all New Yorkers are interested in baseball and are patriotic is like saying all Alaskans are oblivious hillbillie who think a thunderclap is God’s way of shouting.