Vivica A. Fox Inspires Us To Call The Psychic Friends Network

Vivica A. Fox’s face has been stretched so far back that she can now literally see into the future. Or at least see that she’s not getting any plum acting roles anytime soon. So she’s signed on to become the barely moving face of The Psychic Friends Network. Yay!

Check out the commercial. Pretend they’re talking about phone sex the entire time:

Wait. Hold up. Walter Mercado. Is that you?

Almost.

Finding ourselves at home, on the couch, watching daytime court shows and eating an entire Entenmann’s box of lemon-coconut cake, we really wanted to pick up that phone and call. So. We did.

We called the 800 number and were asked by a woman who greeted us with “Good morning” (How did she know?!) if we had a specific Psychic Friend with whom we wanted to speak. So, we asked if we could speak to Vivica. The woman, feeling sorry for us said, “Noo, honey. She’s only in our ads.” Down, but not out, we followed up by asking for Walter Mercado. The woman politely said she didn’t know anyone by that name working there. She then asked for our credit card info before transferring us to an actual psychic, “Leo Valentine.” Obviously, we’re not comfortable giving our card info over the phone, so we told her we’d lost it and had to go.

At $2.99 a minute, we’re not so sure we want to talk to someone who knows us so well that they can just go “on and on and on.” For that, we have 1-900-HOT-SEXX.