Alex Rodriguez’s Details Spread Is Masturbatey, Has No Mention Of His Favorite Madonna Song

Alex Rodriguez is looking totally butch on the cover of Details. What reason does he have to make a face like he’s holding in a gerbil? Alex, kitten, you’re rich. Filthy, nasty, disgusting, dirty rich. Relax those ass lips and smile, dude. 

Sadly (or hilariously), it gets worse from there. A photo of A-Rod about to make out with himself? Cover lines alluding to the man Madonna left A-Rod for? Dressing A-Rod like a New Jersey billing clerk named “Barry?” 

Someone at Details must really hate his ass.

Case in point: Alex’s interviewer made sure to mention that Alex explicitly called him to make sure he didn’t run the name of his favorite Madonna song, which he had let slip earlier:

“Listen,” Rodriguez says. “I was thinking about one thing that I spoke about—it’s something that’s kind of trivial but will give me a hard time for no reason.” He pauses. “The song.”

Aha. Last night, he let slip his favorite Madonna song. The curious relationship between A-Rod and the pop icon makes for delicious gossip, of course. Is Rodriguez terrified that Madonna will resent the tongue-wagging? Or, better still, has he picked the wrong song as his favorite, and fears that an offended Madge might march her stilettos over his back? No: Rodriguez believes that revealing the song would lead to its being played every time he stepped to the plate during an away game. “The last thing I want to do is go to every stadium and have them play that song,” he says. Fine—to be honest, it’s not even a great Madonna song (if it had been something juicy like “Justify My Love,” forget it).

This is what worries you the most, love? Not the whole steroid use, or sidelining injury, or ruined relationships thing, huh?

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ALEX RODRIGUEZ: CONFESSIONS OF A DAMNED YANKEE [Details]