Jesus Luz Moves In With Madonna, Follows Her Diet

Jesus Luz, 22, has moved in with what is left of Madonna, 163. He’s ditched his Brazilian modeling agency, at which he was a total big shot, and has signed with Ford Models in NY. He’s also following her super tasty diet plan…

Madonna is said to be so smitten with her new man-child that she’s even cooking for him. We can only imagine what sort of delectable macrobiotic fare she’s instructing her personal, loin-cloth swatched chef, Kiko, to prepare for Jesus. Charred sanitary napkins and mung bean froth?

The two share a strict diet, avoiding sugar, dairy and processed foods. Madonna has also encouraged/threatened Jesus to practice Kabbalah. Says a source: “It’s very important to Madonna that anyone close to her does two things - follow her religion and her diet. Occasionally she indulges with a slice of wheat-free wholegrain toast with sugar-free strawberry jam.” Jealous?

His high-profile relationship with Madonna has allowed Jesus, who formerly lived in Brazil at his mother’s home, to charge up to around $140,000 per (blow?)job. 

Says a source (David Banda): 

A few months ago he was living at his mum’s place in one of the poorest cities in the world. Now he’s got his feet under the table in a massive mansion block overlooking Central Park. And he’s on the books of the biggest modelling agency in the world.

Madonna has changed too. She’s mellowed into a completely different person from the one who was married to Guy Ritchie. She never used to like cooking but now she has really got into it. They laugh a lot and enjoy staying in.

Oh please. These two don’t even speak the same language. They probably just sit in silence, both trying to ignore the fact that Madonna’s knees look like little twin vaginas.

Being the helpful sort of people that we are, we decided to put together some ideas for housewarming gifts. Do be sure to peruse through our gallery by clicking the picture below.

Ideas for Madonna & Child’s Humble Abode

Exclusive: Madonna moves in toyboy Jesus Luz [Mirror UK]

Jesus Luz follows Madonna’s diet [NDTVMusic]