Covering The Coverage: Katie Holmes Is Hot Because She’s Pregnant And/Or Rich

Katie Holmes debuted a new look recently - Extensions! A bath! A smile! - and looked happier and healthier than she has in quite a while. Which, of course, has prompted an onslaught of rumors that she’s either pregnant or killing herself to please her dwarf-husband, Tom Cruise. Let’s investigate!

InTouch reports that Tom and Katie (”TomKat,” or perhaps “ToKie”) feel the pressure to look perfect, unlike scores of other Hollywood actors who show up to premieres in sweatpants and a fannypack.

No doubt Tom and Katie both looked refreshed at the Tokyo premiere of Valkyrie, but Katie takes extra credit because she’s looked so worried and exhausted in candid photos recently. Says a witness: “She didn’t have a wrinkle on her face, her hair was perfect, and she had the body of a supermodel. She was absolutely flawless.” So why don’t you marry her?

The magazine goes on to claim that Katie paid $3,000 for hair extensions, $30,000 for dental veneers, $2,000 for makeup and $10,000 in spa treatments. How… do they know this? In any case, she looked slightly less suicidal than usual even if, as InTouch suggests, her longer look was “inspired” by Penelope Cruz’s (Tom’s ex) hairstyle. Long and brown? Yeah, that’s inspired.

Star magazine goes a step further and insinuates that Katie’s “glow” might be due to an alien fetus clawing its way through her womb. Says a source: “She has that same look she had when she was first pregnant with Suri.” Awake? The magazine points to the loose-fitting skirt of Katie’s dress as further evidence that she’s been turkey basted. Not convinced? Here’s this bit of bullshittery:

Does Katie have a baby secret she’s hiding? Although she won’t reveal to any of her friends if she’s indeed expecting No. 2, when the subject of babies came up recently, “she giggled bashfully,” says a friend.

Triplets!

One reason for Katie’s recent tired look (and slightly yellowed complexion) is that she’s said to be on a Scientology dietary program of vitamins, niacin and water - which the magazine claims is intended to increase the chances of pregnancy. While we couldn’t find any evidence of that (large doses of niacin can, in fact, be quite harmful), we did discover (ahem) that niacin can be used to “alter” the results of drug tests - an interesting fact given Scientology offers drug rehabilitation programs that shun traditional psychological methods.

Bottom line? Something Katie’s doing is making her look tired and unhealthy. And when she slathers on makeup and puts on a cute dress and fake hair, she looks brighter. So maybe - maybe - she should just try changing whatever habits are leading her to look tired and drawn all the time. Or not, you know. Do as you please, Joey Potter.

For More Hot And/Or Pregnant Katie, Click Below

Katie & Tom feel the pressure to look perfect [InTouch, print]

Katie’s Got That Pregnant Glow [Star, print]