Amy Winehouse Is Either Dating Or Smoking A Caribbean Lover Named Junior

Amy Winehouse is still in Santa Lucia, soaking in the sun and the bodily fluids of at least one Latino - a local waiter known only as “Junior.”

According to a nosy-ass source, Amy has asked Junior to help her find her own place on the island and is said to be “adoring” his company.

Prior to Junior, Amy had a brief affair with a younger rugby player named Joshua Bowman. She’s still married to Blake Civil-Fielder, despite his plans to divorce her and rumors that he impregnated another woman-person while in rehab. Said Amy:

I still love Blake and I want him to move into my new house with me — that was my plan all along … I won’t let him divorce me. He’s the male version of me and we’re perfect for each other.

We, for one, think Amy deserves someone better. Someone Latino-er, and that this Junior fellow is a good start. But, really, dating someone who isn’t famous and who is not as rich or replete with delicious drugs as you are is usually a mistake. We’d rather see Amy with someone who is also famous. 

Who do you think Amy should date next?

Noticias [Ofuxico]