Craigslist Man Seeks “No More Than Half-Hispanic” Soulmate
17 April 2009, 3:18 PM. By Camilla Rowan
Single ladies! Are you not a witch and NO MORE THAN half-Hispanic? Do you really, really like lizards? Well then have we got a hot internet date for you! Meet your future husband, who says, “People tell me I look like Matt Damon all the time.”
Mr. “Seeking a fellow Jesus freak” is a 35 year old Tucson, AZ resident and has never been married–or had sex, for that matter (but by choice, ok guys!? Don’t laugh.) He just wants to find a woman to love and marry, but he has a few requirements:
- No Witches (we think he means this literally)
- No voting for Obama
- You’re ready to serve him (and Jesus of course, but mostly him.)
- You are Caucasian or Hispanic- but no more than half Hispanic
- You are healthy. He defends himself, “I may look overweight but I have lost 15 lbs so far.”
- Must like lizards
So Jesus…lizards…no fatties or full Latinas. Right. We can only imagine the hot, Jesus-loving, lizard-petting white people sex they’re gonna have. (And we instantly regret it.)
Seeking a fellow Jesus freak [Craigslist]
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I think he’s misquoted. He really said “People “People tell me I look like I ate Matt Damon all the time.”
Phewwww, I don’t qualify for ANY of his requirements.
Won’t someone in Tucson area please make a date with this asshole and then break his legs so he can have a long hospital stay in which to contemplate the misery of his existence. Please.
Guanabee you should get someone to do date him then blog about it.
This can’t be true, can it?
But I agree, I think someone should make a date with him. One like they did on “Ghost World.”
he ain’t no Seymour
I would give him a free ride.
HAHAHAAA… oh crap. I am suddenly regretting the various Craigslist posts I have submitted in the last couple of years…
Hi Sexy–this is Shamu from Sea World (the female one). I saw your ad and I couldn’t resist responding. First off, I am not a witch and not 1 bit Hispanic (not even half!), I can’t vote, because I am a sea creature, and I exist in captivity to serve those who train me, which I hope will someday be you big daddy. I eat about 140 to 240 lbs of fish per day but am in amazing shape (I can jump, do backflips and swim up to 20 miles per hour in open water). You seem like me, you have a lot of blubber but underneath it all you are a fitness freak. As far as Jesus goes, I have been in captivity, so for me, he has kind of let me down, however, for you I am willing to be born again–just get me out of here. And lizards, what is not to like? Sea World has a big ass display of them ( I hear), I see an occasional gecko around the pool, and I think they are simply adorable! PS–my vagina is the size of a house!!!!!
you made laugh so hard I got hiccups
ups man
sorry
im a real witch im jewish
i really on a diet all the time and excersie all day so don’t have time to wirship you
the only thing we have in common is that we like lizards
and one more thing
i absoultely love Obama
so i guess i just don’t have a chance with you
Crap! I’m 3/4 Latina and I voted for Obama and I’ve been called a witch on many occassions. Oh well, back to internet dating again.