FlightsFromHell.com Introduces Us To “Mr. Poopy Pants,” Others
2 April 2009, 3:30 PM. By Alex Alvarez
As one of your Guanabee editors prepares for flights to Miami, Florida and Corpus Christi, Texas, she finds herself exhausted just thinking about having to wait in lines and rush from gate to gate with her trusty lilac rolling suitcase, the one she in which she threw up after Senior Dinner. Luckily, there’s FlightsFromHell.com - a website designed to allow frustrated flyers to vent about their flight experiences. And that includes “Mr. Poopy Pants.”
FlightsFromHell.com was created two years ago by Tampa man Gregg Rottler, which is funny because, if Florida was an airport, Tampa would be airport bathroom where someone left a used tampon on the toilet seat.
Story categories include such descriptive labels as “Portly,” “Seniors,” “Odors” and “Weird People.” This perfectly encompasses the one time we flew home to Miami beside an overweight old man man who had very clearly been soaked in vodka prior to the flight. He gave us his number and invited us to call him up for a “good time” in Miami. After we told him we were 14.
The story of “Mr. Poopy Pants,” based on a novella of the same name by Faulkner, tells of a man who shit himself within the first ten minutes of a flight and sat in that state for the remaining three hours as he and his cabin mates soared through the air, packed tight together in a sardine can in the sky:
Guy in the 2nd to the last row poops in his pants about 10 minutes into the flight — we’re talking the big D here, and I think he’d been eating seafood all week. Really really terrible. Anyway, he didn’t even try to wash it out of his pants - he just sat there in his own poo…For over three hours.
The flight attendants were actually pretty terrific — handing out bags of coffee grounds for us to hold up to our noses. I actually went into the bathroom to ESCAPE the smell of the cabin! That was the closest I ever felt to air rage - I think we all would have tossed him off the plane if we could have figured out a way to do it. What a jerk.
Which makes us wonder: Have you had any particularly horrible flying experiences? Do any involve feces? Do share!
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I had a flight to Chicago with a young family who had two babies that were only about a year apart. They also had a total of EIGHT carry-on bags and 1 guitar. They had so much shit and nobody said anything to them. Also, since they got to pre-board, they hogged up all the overhead bin space leaving them plenty of leg room and nothing but cramped space for those seated near them. To make matters worse, their babies did nothing but cry and poop the whole flight. From the look and smell of them, it was evident that neither parent had showered in days. The odors coming from their row was lethal.
Five days later, I went to the airport to fly back home and I was mortified to see the young family at my gate. I had to endure another flight with them back home.
How did they afford eight carry-on bags?! Or carrion, even, if the smell was so bad.
Carrion! Ha!!
Each person, including the babies, had two carry-on bags which was the limit. The guitar is what I found odd - how can you manage carrying that and two babies!?
This flight was just before airlines charged for checked bags. The young family did also have two checked baggage because I saw them at the baggage claim area. It was nuts.
Wait. Who is going to CCTX? Half of my heart is there - I’m totes jealous!
I’ll be there in mid-April! Let me know what I should do, other than visit Selena’s statue and keep my friend company at her job in a strip club.
All the places that i’ve been to I’ve never had a bad flight, lucky.
pretty much just bad turbulence, there was a thunderstorm MBJ back to LAX. I thought I was going to shit myself.
Oh and actually one of the times i went to hawaii there was this highschool senior group on my flight. some where sitting behind me playing poker, using quarters. my nephew, 8 years old at the time was just watching them so i told him to ask if he can have a some money. He did. they gave him like $5 in quarters.
oh totally forgot about this, a couple years ago on a work trip, comming back from cancun, after check in one of my coworkers decided she was going to go smoke a cig. she went by herself. we got to the gate and when it was time to board we realized she wasn’t back yet. we advise the gate agent so they made an announcement over the intercom to have her come. nothing. we boarded. they held the flight for as long as they could, almost 2 hours but she never showed up. before takeoff we called our office to see if they had heard from her, they didn’t. everyone was freaking out. because we pretty much left her in the cancun airport. Por pendeja though. girl finally called the office and was frantic that she got left. she got rebooked on the next flight available. somehow she missed that too. she had to spend the night at the airport and finally was smart enough to stay at her gate and flew home the following day. Monday morning she got fired.
Flight: Phoenix Skyharbor to Chicago O’Hare
Time: 6:15 a.m.
When: 2yrs ago, May
My sweet baby boo and I were traveling to see our famiiles in IL. We were getting on board and he says that he would like the window seat and offered oral sex if I let him have it. I agreed that this was a good deal for everyone involved and resigned to sitting in the middle “bitch” seat. We get to our seats and I start hoping that the aisle seat is empty, no such luck. This…portly gentleman sits next to me and he is so large that I have to cross my arms and legs so that his body, which was spilling over everywhere, wouldn’t find a resting spot on me. 30 minutes into the flight he starts sleeping, at this time all manner of groans and moans and heavy breathing emanate from him. They aren’t soft and insconspicuous either, they are loud and disruptive. People all around us are looking back at us and my sweet baby boowas laughing it up. It was awesome.
You better have gotten some good oral sex.
My wife and I once sat next to a woman that was breastfeeding, what appeared to be, a four or five-year old girl in the seat next to us. The girl was so big, her feet were resting on my wife’s left leg. Gross.