Gabriel García Márquez Still Privately Molesting Young Girls With His Pen, You Eediots

We knew it would be a matter of moments before Gabriel García Márquez responded to idle reports from his agent Carmen Balcells saying that he will not publish again. According to G-Gar Már, he is totes writing all the time. He’s just not sharing it with you. So, that’s even more masturbatory than usual.

Colombian paper El Tiempo called to follow up on the remarks made by Balcells last week and the interview went something like this.

El Tiempo: Maestro, could you answer some questions for El Tiempo

Gabriel García Márquez: Call me later. I’m writing.

Later, he told the New York Times he was “combing his hair.” Mmm hmm.

Garcia Marquez still writing, still grumpy [Reuters]