Unshocking Revelations: Michelle Rodriguez Can’t Stand Boys

Michelle Rodriguez, our favorite crazy person, sat down with Latina magazine this month to discuss why she’s so damn hard. Turns out Michelle just straight-up hates boys and how they want to touch her with their penises.

I can’t stand boys. A boy looks at me like he wants to bang me, and I wanna throw up. I like men, ’cause they’ve been around the block and they respect their mamis. It’s hard to find one that’s not machista. 

Michelle adds that Hugh Jackman is her ideal man. Ohhh. We didn’t realize this was the ZZ Top auditions. Nothing but beards in here. Shockingly, Michelle doesn’t believe in marriage, either.

I don’t believe in commitment. That’s like giving somebody the responsibility of your happiness, like, ‘Here, you make sure that all my orgasms are great, that I have somebody to hold on cold winter nights, and just assure me that if anybody messes with me, you’ll beat them up.’ Other than that, I don’t see the point of marriage.

Um, hello? Tax shelters. Michelle also says she doesn’t think the media gets her.

[I]f I only saw one percent of my life, I would think the same thing everybody else thinks. So when they don’t get it, I don’t feel lost.

Oh we get it, Michelle, and we want to print it on the jerseys of our local women’s softball team. 

Watch the video below to see behind-the-scenes footage of Michelle Rodriguez pretending not to be a P.E. coach.