Top Ten New Names For The Swine Flu

The “Hey Mexico, It Beats Finding Your Head In A Bag” Flu

With the deadly narcowars, rampant kidnappings and water shortages in Mexico City, swine flu is still one of the least deadliest things people have to worry about. 

The “As Long As Carnitas Are Still Safe To Eat, It Can’t Be A Level 5″ Flu

Carnitas–spiced pork–is the national food of Mexico and without it the country would be undergoing an identity crisis, so as long as they still have that, things can’t be all bad.  

The “Don’t Worry, Only People In Poor Countries With Inferior Healthcare Systems Are Really Fucked” Flu

Gee, why are only Mexicans dying of the flu? We’ll tell you why. Because most Mexicans are dirt poor and have no access to adequate healthcare.

The “Is This Going To Affect My Illegal Drug Shipment?” Flu

We don’t know about you, but all this beefed up border security has us a little worried.

The “Now We Can Avoid Mexicans Without Societal Scorn” Flu

Let’s face it, no one likes Mexicans. Now they don’t have to! This flu has given us the ability to finally be honest.

Montezuma’s Revenge Redux

This flu is doing a much better job of running gringos off from Mexico than diarrhea ever did.

The Fifth Plague

(Exodus 9:1-7) “And God sent a disease on the livestock, but kept those of the Israelites unharmed.” Of course!

The “Tijuana & Gomorrah” Flu

This flu was created by God to end your south-of-the-border donkey show excursions.

The “I Told You So” Flu

This flu has Minutemen everywhere sitting back in satisfaction.