Craigslist Scraps “Erotic Services” Ads. So Now We’ll Just Have To Imagine What Some Famous Latinos May Have Written.

Following the death of Julissa Brisman at the hand of “Craigslist Killer” Philip Markoff (you know, that nice-looking boy) and his attacks on two other women he met through their online ads, Craigslist is shutting down the “Erotic Services” section of the website, not realizing we now have nothing to read between posts. Current ads on the site will expire within seven days, so get the BBW MWF for NSA BDSM ABR/ANR. LOL. TMI?

Some aren’t sure taking down “Erotic Services” will put an end to the (often) illegal sexual activities advertised on the site (it certainly won’t keep men from offering you 200 ro$es for a date), and we don’t think it will either. But it might put a damper on the blatantly sexual we’ve come to know and love. Like these from famous Latinos:

Married Female Seeks NSA Relationship With Kinky Slave - 39 (The Block)

hello, cretins. i search j-high and j-low for a companion who will do my bidding. i like men who are thin (no fatties, plz. no offense, its just my pref. lol), pale and dying of dysentery. you must be willing to perform kinky “shit” at my command - hot things like hand-washing my delicates, running to trader joe’s for that dried dragonfruit thing that is supposed to help you poop, scheduling manicure appointments and making sure my dressing room is filled with white candles, white 600 thread count egyptian cotton sheets and NO BLUE M&Ms. i cannot stress this enough. 

if you think you are man enough to handle me, don’t hesitate to drop me a line. xoxo.

Curious F Looking 4 First Time - 30 (HERE FUKKIN UR BF, MOTHERFUKKER!!!1!)

Wassup ladiez. Lately I’ve been having 2 deal with some fukkin horribl men who have def brought out the bisexual in me. I m lookin for a hott girl (any race! any size! I don’t care if ur a fatt motherfukker, motherfukker.) 2 have a good time with. I swer Im not gay Im just curious and have nevr been with a chik befor except that one (73) times but I was drunnkkkkk and it doesn’t count, lol. About Me: Im fukkin hott, lol. Also funnee. Hit me up if this sounds kool. 

NO MEN NO MEN NO MEN YOU CAN PRACTICE YOUR DICKSUKKING IN M4M BROTHER NO MEN NO MEN NO MEN. If ur a man and u answer this I will put a pic of ur small cokk on the internet. Motherfukker.

Married Man Looking For A Good Time, Must Be DISCRETE - 40 (MIA)

HELLO. I AM LOOKING TO HAVE A DISCRETE, SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN WHO IS FIT, ATTRACTIVE AND WHO IS WILLING TO BE MY PARTNER IN CRIME. BY “CRIME” I DO NOT NECESSARILY MEAN MAN’S LAW. FYI. I PREFER SLENDER, BRUNETTE, LATINA WOMEN WHO COME WITH A LOT OF EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE (KIDS, FAILED MARRIAGES, REVOKED BUSINESS LICENSES) AND LITERAL BAGGAGE, LIKE MAYBE A LARGE DUFFLE BAG IN CASE WE NEED TO MOVE OUT OF THE COUNTRY IN A HURRY, PREFERABLY TO A NON SPANISH-SPEAKING COUNTRY. MAYBE ENGLAND? I HAVE ALWAYS LIKED THE ANGLICANS STYLE. 

FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME IF THIS SOUNDS APPEALING TO YOU IN ANY WAY. ALSO, IMPORTANT: YOU MUST BE ABLE TO HOST. I LIVE IN A HOUSE BELONGING TO SOMEONE WHO CAN BE RATHER JUDGMENTAL…

Sigh. Oh “Erotic Services.” You’ll be missed. Now all we have is stupid “Missed Connections.” “Oh blah blah, I saw you on the L train and you were skinny and knitting and reading Chomsky.” Dude, that is EVERYONE. Ugh.

End to ‘online red light district’? Craigslist dropping ‘erotic services’ ads [NY Daily News]