General Franco’s One Testicle Inspires Our Famous Monorchids List

A new book claiming Spanish dictator Generalissimo Francisco Franco only had one testicle made us wonder who else didn’t have a matching set down there. Franco’s doctor’s granddaughter told historian Jose Maria Zavala, that Franco lost his testicle in battle in 1916 after being wounded in the abdomen. He went on to father a daughter and rule Spain with an iron fist for 36 years. So, does having one ball make you more determined? Let’s take a look at our list of famous monorchids. That’s the technical term for dude with one ball. It’s a condition that can happen from birth or as a result of surgery.
 

Adolf Hitler

Last year, documents belonging to a Catholic priest who wrote down the confession of a Nazi medic–one Dr. Johan Jambor–came to light revealing that Jambor, who treated Hitler during the Battle of the Somme in 1916, observed that Der Führer was missing some of his manhood. Jambor said Hitler had been injured in the abdomen and had lost a testicle and that the first question Hitler had asked him was: “Will I be able to have children?” Ironically, the popular “Colonel Bogey March” contained the lyrics “Hitler has only got one ball,” long before that fact was scientifically confirmed.

Lance Armstrong

Tour de France tour de force Lance Armstrong lost his matching set in 1996 after a orchiectomy to remove a cancerous ball from which the doctor said he had about a 50% chance of recovery. Of course, our man Lance beat the odds and went on to win, like, 87 Tours de France because that is how he rolls: in front of everyone else. Lance has become a poster boy for mind over matter and wears his one ball status as a badge of honor, even confiding in Oprah’s girlfriend Gayle King that, when he checks into a hotel room, he uses the alias Juan Pelota.

Tom Green

Tom Green’s career as an outrageous practical joker was skyrocketing when he discovered, in 2000, that one of his testicles was infected with cancer. So, what did he do? Televise his entire treatment, including the surgery that lopped one of his little guys right off, via the Tom Green Cancer Special. Fortunately, the surgery was a success and Tom went on to live a quasi-normal life, or a normal celebrity life, complete with marriage to and divorce from Drew Barrymore. Later he founded the Tom Green’s Nuts Cancer Fund to help others suffering from the same disease. He also wrote the catchy, PSA folk song, “Feel Your Balls.”

It’s difficult to draw any trends from this list, but we can observe that having one missing testicle doesn’t have to be an end to any guy’s normal–or crazy, mass-murdering–life. It doesn’t even mean you won’t father a child.