Jackie Guerra Back On Tyra Not Being A Weight Loss Expert

Jackie Guerra was back on The Tyra Banks Show Monday, yelling at folks for making fun of fat people and it was like she was talking to us right through the camera. You might recall that a couple of months ago, we got on Jackie’s shit list and then she stalked us for saying that she is now selling herself (and her book) as an authority on weight loss after dropping down from her top weight of 300 pounds. And that she regularly appears on the Tyra Banks Show whenever it’s time to talk to fat people. Jackie found this insulting for some reason that we still don’t understand. “I am NOT, as you say, marketing myself as a weight-loss expert,” she told us in the comments section of that story. “Neither my book, ‘UNDER CONSTRUCTION; How I’ve Gained and Lost Millions of Dollars and Hundreds of Pounds’ (Penguin/NAL) nor I am a weight-loss expert.”  Oh really?

Anyhoo, during a couple of Jackie’s pearls of wisdom, she got damn threatening against fat bullies. That’s the part where we could just feel her ip address stalking us through our server. Then Jackie recalled the fat nicknames people shouted at her when she was a kid and we began to understand why she is so psycho. Well, it wasn’t so much recalling the names as completely leaving her adult body and floating back to her middle school gym where the cool kids were sliming her with a big bucket of pig’s blood. That, plus having a Playboy bunny mom had to fuck with you. You could almost see the vengeance-is-mine steam coming out her ears, but then she snapped back to present day and reminded the poor kids on the show that she grew up and became an actor, which as we all know, is the surest sign of mental health. And, besides, they’ve all been on the The Tyra Banks Show and their bullies haven’t. A fact that probably would have made us suicidal if we were one of those kids, but it seemed to pump Jackie up real good. We won’t tell the kids that if they don’t really deal with their shit and, instead, just get their stomachs stapled, they could end up being an internet troll who pretends to be a positive role model by the light of day, but spends her nights stalking anyone who makes her feel threatened.