Our Excitement Over Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus Prompts Us To Come Up With 3 Best (Or Worst) Latino Monster Movies

We are extremely excited about Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus, a movie about, rather predictably, an epic romance set against the backdrop of the Civil War. Or about an octopus (that is big) and a shark (also big) that are not the best of friends.

We got to thinking how the movie would be much cooler were it about a Gigantic Cuban Lizard Versus A Hefty Alpaca and wondered what some of the finest (terrible) Latino monster movies out there might be. We came up with three, but feel free to share your personal picks in the comments’ section:

Title: Mexican Werewolf In Texas

Tagline: “Terror Has JUST Crossed The Border!”

Plot: The town of Furlough, Texas is being plagued by some animal - or is it MAN?! - that is killing cattle and even local Dead Boy, Tommy. The town blames the killings on four teenagerrs, two of which are Mexican, but only the kids know the truth - the slaughtering are the work of the Chupacabra.

IMDB says:

[T]he father of one of the teen heroes decides to gather the pelts of various deer, etc, and fashion himself his own chupacabra suit so that he can kill the Mexican kid who is boffing his daughter and blame it on the monster. Not possessing the requisite pair of fangs, he decides a barbecue fork will do the job just as well and trips off into the desert night in his furry outfit, looking like the cuddly little brother of that cuddly werewolf in Carry On Screaming.

Title: Chupacabra Terror

Tagline: “This Legend Is Real.”

Plot: Cryptozoologist Dr. Peña attempts to smuggle a chupacabra on a cruise ship, making this a chupacabra adventure on the high seas.

IMBD Says:

The monster then does the monster thang; running around biting chunks out of various passengers until the ship’s captain (John Rhys-Davies), a square-jawed special agent pretending to be an insurance salesman for some reason (Dylan Neal), a squeaky-voiced blonde Tai Bo instructor (Chelan Simmons), a bunch of guys with machine guns and others try to stop it. The main victims (who I think are supposed to be the comic relief but it’s hard to tell) are an old rich bitch (Paula Shaw) with a yippy terrier and a snobby effete gold-digger (David Millbern). Apparently the monster can be knocked out with a single tranquilizer dart, but can live through dozens of bullet hits.

Title: La horripilante bestia humana

Tagline: “Half Man, Half Beast, ALL HORROR!”

Plot: A mad scientists attempts to cure his son of leukemia through a heart transplant (?).  The first “human-to-ape” transplant goes terribly awry, resulting in his son turning into a half human, half gorilla beast that goes on a killing rampage.

IMDB Says: 

This movie has EVERYTHING. Female wrestling. Gorillas. Open-heart surgery. A crappy-looking monster. Gratuitous nudity. Ridiculously fake gore. Bad dubbing. Retarded dialogue. Atrocious editing. In other words, all the makings of a masterpiece. 

When a surgeon transplants the heart of an ape into his deathly ill son, the result is, of course, a guy in a stupid-looking gorilla mask running amok and attacking hot Mexican broads. I mean, duh, what else would you expect to happen when you mess with the laws of nature, or whatever.

Meanwhile, some chick in a red catsuit wrestles other women while her boyfriend watches. No, it’s not what you’re thinking. She wrestles in the ring and he sits in the audience. Why does this happen? I don’t really know. But her boyfriend turns out to be the detective who tries to track the Bloody Ape Man of Death, so I guess it’s all right.

They Grow ‘Em Big in The Asylum [Undead Backbrain]